I didn't want to leave the blog for a few days with the post from this morning. I have my ups and downs. This morning was a down. I realized mid-morning that this is a "PMS" week for me. Perhaps that has made me more emotionally sensitive. Knowing that this cancer is estrogen driven, I also wonder if the hormonal surge related to my monthly cycle might make the tumor grow? I'm probably psyching myself out.
I appreciate the comments and suggestions I've gotten since my last post this morning. I hadn't thought of visualization. I will definitely start doing that. I did a lot of that preparing for homebirths and I know how valuable it can be. I realized that I was doing visualization but in a negative way. (Thinking I could feel the tumor growing). So I will try doing it in the reverse-imagining it shrinking instead. I searched iTunes and found some calming meditative podcasts for coping with breast cancer. I downloaded them and am going to also try to carve out some time to do them as well. I need to calm down and be able to relax. Losing a little bit of sleep each night is starting to catch up on me. (I was awake at 4:40 a.m. this morning)
I won't be posting for a few days, but I will be in touch. My iPhone will never be far away, especially since I'd like to get a call from Kaiser telling me they can move my surgery up.
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15
Sometimes its helpful to put scripture in the first person. So I'll make this one say: "For I did not receive a spirit that makes me a slave again to fear, but I received the Spirit of sonship. And by him I cry, "Abba, Father!" Boy, do I need Him now.
Your continued prayers are appreciated.