I laid in bed for about an hour before getting up, trying to pray. It's hard for me to pray in my head. My mind wanders. Its much more effective for me to articulate the words with my mouth. I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit is there to articulate what I cannot. As I lay there pondering things, I thought about my freak out time yesterday morning. I realized it for what it was: a panic attack. My heart rate was up, my breathing rapid and more shallow. I felt trapped by the cancer.
I guess it helps to be able to recognize it for what it was. It helped last night as I drifted off to sleep to imagine the tumor getting smaller. Someone suggested the idea of tiny pick-axes chipping away at it. I like that!
"Praise the Lord, O my soul, all m inmost being, praise His holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.
Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."