Randomness

I can't seem to focus for my blog right now. I've started a few different posts, but just can't seem to get them finished. I even started a post on the whole controversy about Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood, but didn't get around to finishing it.   So this post is going to be a stream of consciousness, random listing of stuff that has been floating around my head.

• I'm training for my next half marathon, the San Diego Half Marathon, which is coming up on March 11th.  I'm hoping to keep as close to a 10 minute mile pace for the duration of the race. I'm excited about the race. Races are so much more fun than training!  The shirt we get looks cool, and even cooler...Meb Keflezighi (2004 Olympic silver medalist, 2009 New York City Marathon winner and Team USA’s #1 Marathoner at the London 2012 Olympic Games) will be the honorary starter.  
• I'm tired of all the Komen bashing. Yeah, they made a mistake which ended up making EVERYONE mad at them. Many of the harshest critics were critics before the brouhaha over affiliates being able to grant money (or not) to Planned Parenthood. The whole thing made me really examine whether or not I was going to continue to support them by walking in the 3 Day this year. I decided that I will.  Komen has done a lot of good in advancing the conversation about breast cancer, in educating the public, in bringing awareness to the disease. Maybe they don't spend their money the way critics would like. This is America. Komen is a private charity. They can spend their money the way they see fit. If you don't like it, support another charity. But above all, everyone....PLEASE BE NICE!  (And no flames, please.)  
• If you do want to support me in the 3 Day, I need to raise at least $2,300 by November 16th.  You can go to this page and donate online.  I'd really appreciate it. 
  
• If you are a pro-life person and are concerned that supporting to my 3 Day effort will raise money that will go to Planned Parenthood, fear not.  I did some research on the San Diego affiliate's website. 75% of the funds raised stay local and are doled out to grant applicants. 25% of the funds go to Komen national where they grant research money. Planned Parenthood is NOT a grantee in San Diego.  You can learn more about where the local money goes and local funding priorities here. 
• I'm really sore today!  I did an 11.3 mile run on Wednesday, my last long run before the next race. Then the next day (yesterday), I had a session with my trainer at the gym.  She had me do this one exercise that was a doozy.  Try it!  Lay on your back with your hands under your tush. Put your legs straight out, and lift them off the floor several inches.  Now trace the alphabet in the air with your feet. A to Z.  Keep the feet up in the air!  She had me do it 3 times!  My hip flexors have never been so sore!  But its a good sore...it is making me stronger! Hoo-ya!
• My bible study in the book of Hebrews has been wonderful.  I've been given the opportunity to do a little teaching every other week.  It has been a little scary, but by the grace of God I've done it.  Amazing how much I've learned about God by going through breast cancer.  Amazing how much more there is for me to learn!  
• I keep feeling like I need to write a book.  Not just a re-hashing of this blog, but something relevant that will help other people facing breast cancer themselves or in a loved one.  Pray for me to have insight and wisdom as I consider this. 
• My brother, a Captain in the U.S. Army, is set to deploy soon to Afghanistan.  The coverage I see on TV about what is going on over there sickens me.  Please pray for all of our troops, and for wisdom in our military leaders.  If it were up to me, I'd bring them all home.  I fully supported the effort back in 2001, but enough is enough.  I don't think man can ever solve the problems that are so deeply ingrained over there.  I'll stop there before I go off on a political rant. 

That's all I have time for now.  I hope to be more faithful about updating the blog.  In a way, no news is good news, right?  

My TV debut...

Don't blink, or you may miss me! Here is one of the ads that I'm in for the 2012 3 Day Walk.
If you are interested in reading the story of the day we shot this, you can read about it here.

 
'United' TV from Komen 3-Day for the Cure on Vimeo.

Day One

I've been pondering how to blog about my experience on the 3 Day. I knew right away that it deserved more than one post, because if I tried to do it in one post, it would be, as my kids would say, "epic." So I'll just start at the beginning and try to put into words my first day. But I warn you, words really fail to express what it was like. The unity, the camaraderie, the depth of feeling that permeated every step.

My team, "the Pink & Plaid Warriors" consisted of my mom, my friend Carylee, and myself. My dad was also on the team, as part of the crew. He was assigned to the tents and gear area and drove a gear truck between the opening ceremonies and the campsite.

Opening ceremonies were at the fairgrounds in Del Mar. Walkers were to arrive between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. As soon as we got there, mom and I dropped our duffel bags off at the truck labeled "F" which corresponded to our tent assignment of F-63.  I was amazed at how efficient the process was. From there, we followed the dozens of other walkers into the fairgrounds. It was a lively and fun atmosphere. Before we got all the way into the grounds, I ran into someone I met during the commercial shoot up in Hollywood. It was a crazy scene with literally thousands of people waiting to get started on the 60 mile trek, television trucks, loud music and funky costumes.

The opening ceremonies got us going. Crying, that is.  They were talking about who was walking and who they were walking for. They mentioned mothers and daughters, and of course, I started bawling. Not only becuase I was sharing it with my mom, but I thought of Isabelle and how I hoped she would be spared from this disease.  I also started thinking about how I wanted to be around for her growing up and how cancer was a threat to that. But here we were, thousands strong, united to do something about it. It was very moving.

Here are a few minutes of the opening ceremonies to give you a taste of what it was like:



We were ready to get moving after that. We had been told to go into a corral and those closest to the stage would be first on the route. Like good little girls, we did that. As it turned out, that wasn't the case. By the time we were out of the ceremony site, there were only a few dozen people behind us. But even as we filed out, we walked between rows of people cheering us on, giving us high-fives, and saying thank you. I saw one woman holding a sign that said, "Stage 3 and Kicking Cancer's Ass." That one got me, because last year, I was that woman. I saw her several times over the next couple of days. I was so touched by the outpouring of support and love by total strangers. One woman looked at us and reminded us to just stop mentally and take the moment. Remember it.

Day One was a mixture of fun and frustration.  The atmosphere and people were amazing. San Diego PD and San Jose PD officers rode bikes all along the route, sporting pink tutus or other silliness. Many had music players attached to their bikes that would bring us some tunes as we walked.  We got our first glimpse of the sweep vans, that patrolled the route all weekend to pick up weary or hurt walkers and take them to the next pit stop. They each had a theme. One was a hippie van. Mom liked that one because they played 60's era tunes. There was the "Titty taxi" and "Hookers for Hooters."  (Not so sure about the hooker part, but the women inside were funny and the music they blasted put a bounce in my step.). There were the hula girls who wore long t-shirts with a cartoon of a bikini. They would jump out of their van periodically with music blaring and dance. It was pretty funny to see the fake bikini images on the T-shirts shaking their booties.

All along the route, the public came out to cheer us on. I'm going to do a whole post about this aspect of it, because it was truly amazing.  This event brought out the best in everyone: the walkers, the crew, and the public. I'll talk more about this in a future post.

The frustration came because we felt like we were bringing up the rear,and we were!  Our late start put us behind. Even though we all knew it wasn't a "race" we still wanted to be at camp before dark so we could make sure our tents were set up, check out the vendors, and relax before dinner. I also got frustrated at having to wait at all the red lights. There were so many for the first 5 miles or so. I liked it much better when we hit Torrey Pines and were able to walk without interruption. My team and I had trained on hills, so we ended up passing a lot of walkers at that point.

By the time we got to lunch at La Jolla Shores, mom's cappillaritis had begun to flare up. She had this condition while training, especially in the heat.  She went off to the medical tent for some ice. Carylee was having trouble with her ankle, so she also went and got some treatment from the medical staff. The medical staff, by the way was amazing. At every pit stop, there was a medical tent with staff that were able to wrap legs, joints, and take care of whatever issues had arisen for the walkers.

The afternoon went by pretty slowly.  We were still getting used to the whole flow of the event. The sights, the sounds, and just the physical sensation of walking all day. We found ourselves around many of the same walkers most of the day. From time to time, a police officer would ride by with some music and we would all boogie down the road. There were also some awesome volunteer motorcyclists who helped us cross the streets. In one neighborhood in La Jolla, school kids had made signs that were attached to the trees to encourage us.  Many houses in the neighborhood set up tables and were giving goodies out to us. One table even had tequila shots!

20 down, 40 to go!

Dad met us about a mile outside of camp.  He had been waiting for us most of the afternoon. In fact, when we were at lunch, the first walkers were already coming into camp! He was an angel for us and set up our tent, blew up our air mattresses and encased the tent in plastic in case of rain. (The weather reports were threatening rain all week!)  He walked with us into camp where we were met by huge banners, music blaring, and a general party atmosphere.

Coming into camp, you walk through a path lined on both sides with supporters as well as flags that, if you think about it, really bring up some strong emotions. On one side, they would identify people who we were walking for: "My Mother," "My daughter," "My friend," "My sister," and so on.  There was even one that said, "My Self."  On the other side, they expressed traits and events, like "commitment," "love," "adventure," "graduations," "weddings," etc. Things that breast cancer has tried to rob from us. 

What struck me that first day, as well as the entire weekend, was that every single person out there had a story. Had a reason to be putting their bodies through such an extreme testing. It may have been a loved one lost. I saw plenty of shirts with smiling faces, or with names. There was even one team the "T.A.G. Team" that held a sign all 60 miles with the picture of their loved one lost to breast cancer. (Her initials were T.A.G.)  What impacted me about the sign that they held was that it had her birth and death dates. She was born on October 9, 1969.  Just a few weeks before me. And she had been gone for a few years already. Man, breast cancer sucks!

We had dinner at camp, and just tried to recover from the day. We were tired, but glad to have part of the journey behind us.  Mom and I took showers in the shower trucks and I tried to do some manual drainage on my arm. That didn't work too well since it was chilly and I didn't want to expose my skin to the cold air. I just put on my new velcro sleeve and hoped for the best. We went to bed pretty early, hoping to get some rest for the day ahead of us.

VICTORY

This is what victory looks like. Here is my team, the Pink and Plaid Warriors. We made it all 60 miles, despite hurt joints, oozing capillaries, and potential blisters.

The event itself had a huge impact on me. I will do my best to convey it all over the next few blog posts. There is no way I could do it in just one post. I've got so many pictures, its going to be hard to choose which ones to post.

I'm grateful to God for giving us the strength to get through, my team for making the commitment to such a huge endeavor, my parents for jumping in and making it a priority for their lives, my donors for their financial support, and my prayer warriors for their intercession. Without all of you, this photo would not be possible.

Praise the Lord!

You Ought to be in Pictures!

Yesterday was the big day for the commercial and photo shoot for the 2012 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure.  The organizers asked us to be at the studio (in Hollywood) between 8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m. Having lived in LA in the past, I knew traffic could be pretty bad. I left my house at 5:30 a.m. It wasn't too difficult-I'm an early riser, and they were going to be doing my hair/makeup. I just made sure my crazy, curly locks weren't sticking out before I left.

I got to the studio right on time. It was on Sunset Boulevard-right smack dab in the middle of Hollywood. I used to live in LA, not far from Hollywood during law school. I didn't think I would get excited, but I'll admit that it was a bit thrilling!  I pulled into the small lot and a man asked me what shoot I was there for. He told me to pull my car onto this ramp thing that would eventually elevate my car so they could park another car underneath. The ramp was at a 45 degree angle. I drive a Honda Odyseey minivan. I tried, but knew there was no way I would do it successfully. I'm a bad parker, remember? He offered to do it for me if I left my keys. As I got out of the car, another man came up and offered to detail my car for $20 while I was at the studio. I checked my wallet and told him I didn't have any cash. He said a check would be okay. He was really nice, assuring me that he was legit and I could ask "Brandon" to check him out. Sure, why not? My car has never been detailed and $20 was a screaming deal.

In the parking lot, I recognized a couple that I had seen at the auditions in La Jolla. The wife was obviously in chemo, since she was bald. The three of us went in together and were met by very friendly people. They led us through the studio rooms and up to the green room. They had a breakfast spread all out for us. In the green room, I recognized a lady named Marcy, whom I had also met down at the auditions. I helped myself to some breakfast and sat down. One of the women working on the commercial made a comment about how she felt she already knew us. They had been watching our audition tapes!  They said this was the largest cast they had ever had-17 of us.  

After more of my fellow cast members showed up, the director came up and introduced himself. Then he took us on a tour of the studio and briefed us on what we would be doing that day. First, was wardrobe. It was just a little curtained off area-almost like the triage in an emergency room. Directly across from wardrobe was the hair/makeup station. They had two artists there to work on us. Then there was the studio where they would be taping us. He said in the morning, they would be doing interviews where he would be getting us to talk about our stories and say certain things, but in our own words. In the afternoon, they were going to get a little more "Hollywood" and have the camera mounted on a train track and have it move around us. Then he led us into another room where our still shots would be taken.

Well, we had PLENTY of time to get to know one another. As they got started, they would call a person or two at a time to go to wardrobe/hair/makeup. Then they would tape their interview, get a tattoo on their cheek and then be sent to photography. So I waited. And waited. And waited. It wasn't a waste though, I met some really amazing people throughout the morning. Women that I had an instant bond with. Who understood the little things. Like hot flashes in the night with a bald head. Hat on/hat off/hat on/hat off. Or like not being able to hold your baby after surgery. Or the fears that we aren't really done with it at all. A few women had their daughters with them. There were two married couples. Everyone had a story, and we had plenty of time to get to know them.  Most everyone there had already done the walk before. I think I was one of only two first-time walkers. We got advice from the veterans and heard about how the walk was. All in all, it was a lot of fun getting to know everyone. It made me pretty excited for the walk next month.

 By lunchtime, I still had not been called, nor had a handful of others. We decided since the caterer had set out food, to eat. It was so yummy! They had a wonderful salad with all kinds of good veggies in it, grilled veggies, chicken picatta, a mushroom ravioli, and a beef dish I didn't get to.  They really fed us well!

After lunch, we continued to wait. Others had already filmed and done still shots. About 5 of us still were in the state as we where when we arrived. At one point, one of the workers came and asked who drove up from San Diego. He had us put our name on an envelope, and then handed us a smaller envelope. There was $140 in it. Yeah! That will definitely pay for the gas, and then some. None of us were expecting to get anything out of it, so we were pretty delighted.

Finally, I heard my name! I had to scramble to give my iPhone to someone to take a "before" shot of me. Geez....with all of the wait time, you'd think I would have taken care of that before!  I grabbed the bag that had my foobies in it and left the green room.

Before wardrobe/hair/makeup

Getting made up

Another survivor and I made our way down the ramp to wardrobe. They had already decided what we were to wear. There was a rack of clothes with a picture of each person on a hanger with a top already on it. (The pictures were dreadful!) I was a bit dismayed to see a plain grey T-shirt on mine. The other lady was also disappointed. Her top was light pink, a color she did not think suited her.  My grey shirt was actually from the Gap. They added a pink running ribbon on it to make it look more "Komen-y."  I decided to wear the foobies since the plain grey T-shirt tended to the masculine side. It looked too boyish with me being flat. What was worse was the pants. They needed everyone in grey, since black pants made everyone look like they had no legs at all against the black background. She handed me a pair of long sweat pants that turned out to be too baggy. I asked if they had a smaller size, but since we were nearing the end of the wardrobing, there wasn't much choice. Besides, she said they were only going to be shooting from the waist up.
In the end, I was okay with the grey shirt. Pink tends to make me look more flushed, and after makeup, I think they grey was just fine.

Before the photo shoot

Makeup was fun. I just sat there and followed directions. Close your eyes, open them, look at me, look down. Easy enough! I was a bit bummed she didn't try to do anything with my hair. Some of the ladies with longer hair got a neat style job. She just sprayed it a bit and said I was done.

After that, I took a seat on the couch downstairs along with my new survivor friend Michelle. She was in the same situation as me. We hadn't done anything, and by now, some people were completely done and being told they could go home. By now it was around 3 p.m. We were wondering if they weren't going to be doing interviews with us, since it was our understanding that in the afternoon they were going to be doing the moving camera thing. Whatever, I figured. I could do everything and then have it all end up on the cutting room floor. Besides, I had the same "experience" of the day that everyone else had, and nothing could take that away.

Michelle and I were told to go for the photo shoot. We sat on a couch and looked through a binder of photographs that presumably had been done at the studio. Quite an impressive collection! Lots of magazine covers, lots of celebrities had been here doing just what we were about to do.

Pretty soon, I was told to go in. The photographer asked me my name and put it onto his laptop. Then he led me over to the area where he would be taking the pictures.  This part was fun. I didn't have to say anything. He would tell me to look a certain way, cross my arms, smile, etc. One of the hardest things was when he would say "look proud." For that, I just imagined myself beating cancer. Literally, physically punching it in the face. Conquering it and moving on. Take that!

After the photos, I went back and sat on the couch to wait for my turn for video.  By then, another new friend, Nancy, had come down. We sat there and sent friend requests to each other on Facebook while we waited. Nancy wasn't too pleased about her hot pink polo shirt they had her in. (She really did look good, though!)   As we waited, we said "see you later" to another set of new friends-Tom and Jennifer. They were the couple that I had seen in the parking lot. They are newlyweds. She was diagnosed a few weeks before their wedding last Spring. As Tom put it, reception place cards didn't seem so important after that!

Then I was called. I went into the area where there was the camera mounted on a train track.  The wardrobe lady followed me in and tweaked my T-shirt. Sure enough, they weren't going to be asking me for my "story." Oh well.  Two camera guys and the director climbed on the moving contraption. I was told to stand on some tape outlined like feet on the ground and look ahead at an "X" on the curtain in front of me.  I was supposed to look ahead the whole time, but shift my focus from either the "X" ahead of me, or the camera lens as it rolled in front of me. He said we were trying to capture the spirit of the 3-Day. The movement of thousands of people coming together for a cause. As they filmed, he would feed me lines and have me repeat them. He would have me say things in different voice tones. Soft, louder, to almost shouting. Some of the lines were:  "Together we will end breast cancer forever";  "Join us" "It's a movement of thousands" "Join us so no one has to go through what I went through." "What I went through." It really kind of fun, but sometimes I had to fight off smiling. After all, I was supposed to be this tough, driven person.

Pretty soon, it was over. I was probably doing it for about 10 minutes. I got hugs from the director and a lady from Komen that organized it all and was told I could go home. I went back into the waiting area, changed back into my own pants (they let us keep the tops), and said "see you later" to everyone. Most everyone there will be walking in San Diego next month.

I found my car, which looked fabulous. I went back inside and gave the lady at the reception desk money for the car detailer. I later felt bad that I didn't give him a huge tip. $20 to detail a van is a gift. But I was stressed about the traffic getting home and didn't think about it.  That guy blessed me, to be sure. He did his good deed for the day.

The commercials are supposed to start airing on January 1. They will run on TV as well as be used for the promotional material on the 3-Day website. It will be interesting to see how they put it all together.  One guy told us they would send us the ad before it ran. I can't wait to see it. It will be even more impacting to me, since now I know so many of the personal stories of the women who are in the ads.  I sure hope they leave a snippet of me in. But even if they don't, it is going to be good because the cast was an amazing set of people.

They want me!

It had been nearly two weeks since my audition for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day commercial. From what I understand, it is going to be a national commercial to promote the 3-Day walk in 2012. (Even though they are not through the 2011 season, they are taking registrations for 2012.)  When they first e-mailed, that they had mentioned that they were going to be filming sometime next week. Not having heard from them, I figured that they had not chosen me. Oh well, easy come, easy go, right?

Today while I was waiting to pick Olivier up at the middle school, I checked my e-mail on my iPhone. There was a message from the Komen representative in all caps:

PLEASE CONTACT ME AT THE BELOW PHONE NUMBER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

 

I called right away and left a message. My opinion of the results began to change, needless to say. After all, I figured they wouldn't be contacting me if it were bad news. A couple hours later, while I was in a girl scout meeting with Isabelle, she called back. 

They chose me for the commercial! 

How fun is that going to be!?  She is going to send me a mail with more information, but this is what I know as of now: 

• The shoot is next Wednesday, October 19th. Wait a minute, I can hear some of my Facebook friends and family thinking. Isn't that Jean-Marc's hernia surgery date? Well, it was. But the surgeon was a bit concerned about his runny nose. I called Kaiser and was able to move the surgery back just one week. (His surgery date happens to be my birthday now). It will give him time to get over this cold, so that should be okay. The surgeon did not seem to think it was urgent. If that's not the case, they'll let me know.
• The filming will be up in Hollywood. Gower studios on Sunset Boulevard. 
• They will be providing professional hair and makeup. Yippee!! I'm curious to know what they will do with this mop of curly, funny hair!  
• They will be "taking care" of me as soon as we get there and she assured me that it was going to be a great experience. Breakfast, lunch, and anything else we may need.  They will reimburse me mileage. Eric's first question was, "Do you get paid?" Sheesh. I didn't even think to ask.  To me, that is not really the point. But, I digress...
• She said if I had any Komen pink wear to wear it, but if not, they have plenty of things to wear. She asked me what size I was in tops and pants. I didn't think to mention it, but my shirt size changes depending on whether or not I wear my foobies. Hmm.  Now I have a decision to make. To wear or not to wear? I didn't wear them for the casting call.  At least I can take them on and off...they are portable! I can always stick them in my bag if I decide not to wear them!

It should be a fun experience. I don't know how many others were chosen from the casting call. I will need to arrange things a bit with Eric as far as getting the kids to and from school. We haven't discussed that part yet. Hopefully he won't mind too much having to step into my driving shoes for a day!  I'm sure I'll have a lot to blog about after next Wedensday!

Hoofin' it

My days these days are filled with steps. Steps, steps, steps. Miles and miles are being logged as I train for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure.  Honestly, if I had known how much time would be consumed in training for this event, I may not have signed up.

On the other hand, it is really a physical challenge. A year ago while in the middle of chemo, this was on my list of things to do once I was done with treatment. I signed up for it while in the middle of radiation. I was determined! 

The thing is, you don't just go out and walk 20 miles. Or you might, but then could you get up and do the same thing the next day? And then the next? The bottom line is, you have to train. Even though I wasn't "out" of shape when I began training, I definitely felt the difference in long distance walking.  I'm following a suggested 16 week training program. This is week 10. They "suggest" you walk 4 days, cross train for 2, and rest for 1.  My walks this week are 4, 5, 9, and 12 miles.

Mom and I meet at least once a week, usually Wednesdays, while Jean-Marc is in preschool. We literally walk all morning. Yesterday, we logged 9 miles. My problem is that it takes so darn long to walk!  Fortunately, Jean-Marc is in preschool 3 days a week. He likes to stay an extra hour and eat a sack lunch we bring him. That's good, because it gives me extra time. But even at that, its pretty much impossible to do more than 10 miles in that amount of time.

Tomorrow, I plan to do 12 miles. To get it in, I'll wake up at 5 a.m., and put in 3 miles before the kids wake up. Then I can be home, get everyone breakfasted and ready for school, and do my morning taxi shift. take the kids to school.  Mom will meet me at Jean-Marc's preschool and then we'll head over to a nearby area where I have mapped out a nice 9.31 mile course. 

Mom and I are having a good time spending the time together, that is definitely a plus. Other than the time involved, the other downside is that for all of the effort I'm putting in, I'm only burning about half the calories in twice the amount of time!  Oh well.

I do want to keep my feet into the running community, though. Last weekend, mom and I ran a 5k. I just wanted to see if I could still run. Not only did I run, but I managed to have a personal record time of 27:30. Even better...I got a medal! What a shock that was!  I was 3rd in my age group (40-49).  I would have been happy with the personal best, since this course was much hillier than the one was last April in Carlsbad. But to get a medal on top of it was sweet!  Mom medaled too-she got 2nd in her age group, and it was her first 5k!

One other thing I'm newly determined to do is become fluent in French. During our vacation last summer, I realized that I had been a part of this extended French family for 15 years and how well do they really know me if I can't truly express myself?  So I'm working through Rosetta Stone level 2 and will be ordering levels 3-5 as well. Every Saturday, we are having "French Day" in our home. Everyone must speak only French to each other that day. It's a little exhausting for me by the end of the day, but c'est la vie!

My life right now revolves around my training, my kids and family, my linguistics and my God. (LOL, not necessarily in that order!)  That's a far cry better than a year ago when I was struggling with my hair falling out.  If I don't update much, please forgive me. I'm probably either ferrying kids around, or out walking the streets of North County San Diego!  

All in this together

If you've been following my blog for awhile, you may remember seeing a "bucket list" of sorts several months ago. Not things to do before I die, but things to do once I was done with cancer treatment.

Radiation ended one week ago today. I'll be on Tamoxifen for at least 2-5 years. Technically, that is considered "treatment," but popping a couple pills every day is a walk in the park. I'm in recovery mode now. My burns still are uncomfortable. The outer layer of skin is in the process of turning dark brown as it dies and then peels away. It leaves a pretty tender layer of pink underneath it. It's onwards and upwards from here.

That brings me to my next challenge. I have committed to participate in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure in San Diego this year. My mom has done the same.  My dad volunteered this morning to work all weekend (and the day before the walk) on the crew. This walk was one of those things that I said I would do when I was done.

The walk is a three day, 60 mile journey. I will be in training for several months leading up to it, just to be able to complete the walk. The physical aspect of this is daunting. But I've gone through a lot physically since June, so I know with a lot of work I can do this too.

The point of the whole thing is to raise money for breast cancer research. My mom and I have committed to raising at least $2,300 each. If we don't raise the money on our own, we will have to pay for it ourselves. That may sound like a lot of money. I've had some people kind of wrinkle their nose at the idea of participating because of the seemingly steep fundraising requirement. There are other events that raise awareness with no fundraising goals. So why participate and support the 3-Day?

When it comes down to it, money is needed to fuel research. Awareness is fine, and everyone should learn to do self exams and get screened. But in the end, no cure will be found without the research. Scientists need to be paid. Laboratories need to be stocked. In short, money is needed.

I'm asking you for your support. If any part of my journey has touched you, or made you think, please consider supporting the continuation of my journey with a donation. If you really want to jump into it, you can join my team, "Pink & Plaid Warriors" and walk with us in November. The more the merrier!  Of course, you would also need to commit to raising at least $2,300 to participate. It is going to be an emotional and highly impacting event. I would encourage everyone to check out some of the videos on the 3-Day website.  If all those people on the videos can do this (both physically and fundraising-wise), I can do this. But I need your help.

Right now there are 76 people listed as "followers" of this blog. I know of many more who read it without being listed as a follower. If each follower donated just $15, I would be halfway to my goal.  Small donations add up. Bigger donations take up some of the slack for those who can't donate. How about sponsoring me for a dollar a mile? 

I understand, times are tough. But breast cancer is tough too. Without a cure, one person will die of breast cancer every 13 minutes in the United States. My heart breaks every time I hear of a newly diagnosed person. And I'm hearing it all too often. That's why I'm walking so far. To do something bold about breast cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts.  Many companies match donations that doubles your effectiveness. I'd be happy to check to see if your company (or your spouses) is already on the list of companies that match. You can email me directly to find out. 


I know its a lot to ask. But we are all in this together, and if everyone pitches in, we can make a difference. I would like to have the money raised by my "cancerversary" of June 11, 2011. Then I can focus on training. Please consider helping me out in this by clicking on the picture below.


Blessings to you all!

Bring in the new

Happy New Year to everyone out there.  I hope 2011  brings everyone health, peace and a greater knowledge and relationship of our Lord.

I had started to write about how I hoped 2011 would be better for me than 2010.  But then I started to think about the good things that came about in 2010:

• A new niece (Kate) and a new nephew (Caleb).  What a blessing babies are! It is great to be an Aunt twice over in one year.
• The kids continued to do well in school.  Olivier made the transition to middle school well.  That was a big change for all of us, but it went well.
• Eric had a great year in his job.  In this economy, that is saying something! His superiors like him, and like what he is doing for the company. 
• I got into the best physical shape of my life in the first half of the year.  I've fought the second half to try and keep it, lol. 
• The kids are healthy. 

Yeah, 2010 did have its BIG challenge--breast cancer.  The reason we are here. I wouldn't add that to the list of blessings right now. Perhaps at some point in the future, I will be able to see the good in it.  Right now, I'm in the thick of the fight. 

I never have been one to make New Year's Resolutions.  If I decide I'm going to do something, I do it, regardless of the time of the year. But this year, I can't help but feel like its good to make some goals for myself.   Physical, mental and spiritual goals.  So here they are:

• I want to lose another 15 pounds. I'm going to wait until after my radiation to really get serious about this.  But I know how to do it-I lost 50 pounds last year.  I was about 10 away from my goal when I was diagnosed.  Suddenly, losing weight didn't seem as important when I had cancer to think about. Since diagnosis, I've put about 5 back on-and that is on top of losing all of my breast tissue.  After radiation ends in February, its going to be back to counting calories until I reach my original weight loss goal from 2009.  
• I would like to get through radiation without a flare up of lymphedema.  This is definitely out of my control.  But I can do what I can do to help: twice daily manual drainage; keeping up with exercise, even if radiation makes me tired; avoiding salt; bandaging; and wearing my compression sleeve.  If after all of that I swell up, then so be it.  But I will have done all I could do. 
• On the spiritual side, I want to get back into a disciplined daily Bible reading program.  I'll admit that I've let that slide over the past year.  Its strange because in some ways, my walk has deepened nonetheless.  But I miss God's Word, and I know that it feeds my spirit.  A few years ago, I dove into reading both Old and New Testaments in one year.  It was a push, and I didn't have a 2 year old at the time.  I found a reading schedule on Blue Letter Bible that will get you through both in 2 years.  It alternates one day of Old Testament with one day of New.  Today's reading was only 3 chapters of Genesis. I can do this.  I NEED to do this, and I will.  I also want to keep up with the Women's Bible Study at church that starts later this month.
• I'd like to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk in November. 60 miles in 3 days.  I'll focus on that more after radiation. I need to make sure I can get through that without my arm swelling up like a balloon.  I don't want to let lymphedema take me out of that.  First things first. 

I may come up with more goals as the year goes on.  For me right now, I think simplicity will be best.  It would be easy to make a big laundry list of things "to do" and then easily forget.  So there it is.  

Out with the old, bring in the new!  

One more day!

Isabelle & I yesterday living life to its fullest! Singing songs with the girl scouts in the rain!

One more day until my first "cancer walk."  I'm going to do a 5k with the American Cancer Society (ACS) in their "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" event in San Diego.  Yeah, 5k isn't a huge deal.  Heck, I could probably run most of it if I wanted to.  But the event is to raise awareness as well as funds for the disease and to help an organization that has already helped me out a great deal.

When I was first diagnosed, my doctor gave me a registration form for the ACS.  They sent me an organizational tool for all of my records.  It was a expandable pocket with different tabs under subject headings (lab reports, insurance information, etc).  Those who know me know I am at a loss if my papers aren't organized, so this was a great tool for me.  I merged it into a system that I had started on my own and its great.  I can find pretty much any piece of paper related to my situation in seconds.

ACS provided me with a free wig and one of my favorite hats.

ACS sent me to a program called "Look Good, Feel Better."   I have an entire post dedicated to it from June. But in short, it was a seminar where they gave us a big bag of free name-brand cosmetics and lotions. We went through a little makeup session where they taught us things like how to draw on your eyebrows after they are gone.  They also gave us tips on what to cover our bald heads with.  I'm using these tips daily.

ACS sent me several small pillows that I used after my surgery to cushion my chest while sleeping and driving.

ACS also has paired me with a "mentor" who is a breast cancer survivor.  She gave me tips before my surgery and chemo.  It is helpful to talk to someone who has walked this road before. I'll be talking to another mentor as I get ready for radiation treatment.

There are lots of other services ACS offers that they would give me if I asked.  If I needed transportation to my treatments, they could arrange it.  There are numerous classes and support groups that they host as well.

ACS uses a large portion of its funding for breast cancer. I'm grateful for the progress that has been made in treating this disease in the past decade.  Of course, there are other great organizations that fund research and treatment for breast cancer.  The Komen foundation comes to mind.  (I'm planning on doing the 3 day next year).  But for now, I'm happy to do this 5k tomorrow to give back to an organization that already has given me a great deal.

If you have a little bit of extra cash, even $5, I would be very grateful if you would click on this link to donate to a very worthy cause.

Blessings to you all!

One down, five to go

I'm home from round #1 of chemo. All in all, it wasn't bad. In fact, it was kind of a break! No kids to entertain, no diapers to change, no sibling squabbles to mediate. I had 3+ hours to relax, read, snooze, or watch TV.

I had a good breakfast. I wanted to make sure I had some vegetables in me. I made eggs with spinach and a tomato in it. A slice of Ezekiel low sodium bread, and a bowl of organic berries. Bring on the chemo!

Eric came with me to get me settled in. They took me to my station in the chemotherapy suite and I sat down. The nurse who would be taking care of me looked at me and said, "I think we have a connection!" Really? As it turns out, we have a mutual friend. A lady who was in my bible study group last semester is a mutual friend. She and her kids were swimming at their house just the other day. She told her nurse friend that she knew someone who was going to be starting chemotherapy and to look out for someone named "Tonya." Our mutual friend didn't know if I was a Kaiser member or not, so the nurse didn't think much about it. When she looked at the schedule yesterday, she didn't notice my name. But this morning when I came in, she saw it. Isn't that neat? I told her that it was such a GOD thing! She goes to Calvary Chapel Oceanside. She said that we would be spending eternity together, its nice to take care of each other before that. Cool!

She put a warm towel around my right arm for a few minutes before the poke. When she took the towel off, my veins were FANTASTIC!! It was like the Nile river! So easy to see...standing up almost saying, "Right here, lady!" The poke did sting a bit, but what do you expect? That was the worst of it, and it was over quick. They started with a saline drip for awhile, I guess to flush things out. She also gave me a mega dose of Zofran, an anti-nausea medication.

She asked me about various health issues I may be having. When she asked about my sleep, I admitted it hadn't been going too well the last few nights. She mentioned that the steroid that I'm supposed to take the day before, day of, and day after chemo would contribute to sleeplessness. On the other side, it gives me energy during the day. She called Dr. P and he prescribed Ativan to help me sleep. I'm not supposed to use it every day because it is habit forming. And I'm not big on taking drugs. It's a slippery slope-you have to take one drug to counteract the effects of another drug and it just snowballs. But I do want to get some sleep, so I think I'm going to take one tonight. Just while I'm on the steroid. The nurse said my energy will drop fast when I stop taking the steroid (which will be on Sunday, Day #2) So I most likely won't be needing any sleep aids!

We also talked about nutrition. The nurse said raw fruits and veggies were okay, as long as they were very clean. She said she wouldn't advise a restaurant salad bar, but if I'm doing it at home and washing them well, its fine. Good! I go out of my way to buy organic produce, and I recently have gotten into the habit of using a vegetable wash to make sure any bad things are washed off.

They started with the Cytoxan. It wasn't a big deal at all. They started me out with the drug going in slower, at "50." I figured that was 1/2 speed, but as it progressed, they got me up to 200. I didn't feel any effects of it at all.

While I was there, I just read my book. The lady next to me was on her last round, but her rounds went with one long day (today) and then a short day next week. I was surprised not to see any bald people, or women in scarves. This is the chemotherapy suite, after all! One lady I could tell was in a wig. Maybe other people just had better wigs? I'd better lose my hair after all the hats I've been getting! Either that or turn into a hat person.

Jean-Marc had his 2 year old well baby checkup in the middle of all this upstairs in the pediatric office. Eric went home and took him to that. Afterwards, they came to visit me. He was so cute coming into the room. He wanted to get up on my lap, but that wasn't going to happen. It was lunch time for him, so Eric took him home. But he cried on the way out. He's going through another separation anxiety phase right now. Not fun.

The two nurses who were there are planning to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk in November. Their team name is "These nurses stick it to breast cancer." I told her that I was planning on doing it next year!

After the Cytoxan was the Taxotere. Again, no big deal. I didn't feel like anything was going on. During the course of the morning, I unplugged my mobile unit and went to the bathroom, refilled my water bottle. I had 40 ounces while there. Before I went in, I had 10 ounces of water with 2 ounces of Xango juice in it. I also finished off my night time water, so that was probably another 10 ounces. This afternoon, I've had another 20. I don't think drinking water is going to be difficult for me! I'm even thirsty now, after 80+ ounces, and its not even 4 p.m.!

Mom came after Eric got home to pick me up. The timing was perfect. We dropped the prescription off at the pharmacy and went to lunch. I wanted to stay close, so we went to the Stir Fresh Mongolian Grill. I wanted some more veggies and just made my sauce mild. It was good. Afterwards, we had a frappucino at Starbucks. On the way home, we picked up the prescription and it was done.

So how do I feel? I feel fine right now. It's strange waiting to be hit with the unknown. The nurse advised that I take the anti-nausea med tonight, and then once in the morning and evening for the next 3 days. Better than getting sick. Hopefully that will ward that off. Eric feels worse than I do, actually! He didn't sleep well, either. He's been complaining of a headache all day. I'm sure its all stress related.

I'm hoping to feel well enough tomorrow morning to go to my sister in laws baby shower. But like everything these days, I'm playing it all by ear. Stay tuned!

My prayer requests:

• That the drugs in my body right now are killing off those cancer cells. Digging their way into their DNA and disrupting the replication process. Die suckas!!
• That the side effects I experience be manageable.
• That Eric start to feel better. He has a business trip on Sunday and needs to be able to function. (Don't worry---mom has already offered to come and stay here with us if I need it!)
• That the kids have some peace and not be afraid. Mom told me that after we left this morning that the 3 of them had some prayer time and talk about their fears. They both were crying. They don't share this with me, or at least they haven't so far. But mom said it was a very good time and they were able to express their worries and give them up to the Lord.

New day, new attitude

Saturday morning, 9 days post-op.

I slept pretty well last night. Taking 2 of the pain killers before bed definitely knocks me out. Eric and I watched a romantic comedy last night, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." It was a great escape, and a change from our usual viewing menu. Lately, we've been watching a lot of World War II documentaries. That's okay, but it was nice to get away from all of the bang bang stuff. For awhile, I even forgot about cancer and pain. Although when it was over, I was about 1 hour overdue for my meds. Ouch!

Eric and I had a "meeting of the minds" after my post yesterday. He had read my blog and got some insight into what I was feeling. He commented that it was pretty lame that he had to read my blog to know how I was feeling. True. But sometimes it is easier to write it down than say it out loud. It was refreshing to just be able to cry and be frustrated in front of someone. I hold it together for the kids-I don't want to scare them. I let Eric see it, though. It was good. I know its got to be hard for him. He's the sort of guy who wants to "fix" things that are wrong. This just can't be fixed so easily.

Mom and I went for a walk again yesterday. We added a lap around the lake, which made it a total of 3 miles. Before she got to my house, I tried doing some squats. That felt so good! I made up my own little circuit of various squats: traditional; sumo; side; etc. My legs felt like they got some exercise, and I'm even a little sore today. Mom and I are going to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk when I'm over this. It will probably be November, 2011. We'll form a team-the Pink & Plaid Warriors. Anyone want to join us? We're going to get shirts and hats made. It will be fun, and its one of those things to look forward to.

I was a little bummed yesterday to step on the scale and find that I'd gained a few pounds. I've always exercised hard so I could be a little freer with the food. With my mother in law here, it just adds to the temptation. Dessert is considered an integral part of the meal...even lunch. So I need to resolve to be more disciplined in what I eat so this slow down in activity doesn't catch up to me and I regain the weight I lost before I knew I had cancer.

Yesterday, mom and I watched my sister Tara's home birth video. Amazing! Her daughter, Kathryn Marie, was born a month ago. She has it on video, and had a friend take the most amazing pictures as well. It was awesome to watch. She is so strong and POWERFUL! Like her husband commented right before she started to push, "She pushes like a ninja!" Mom and I were in tears by the end. It was so wonderful to see my sister so happy. Happy doesn't even quite cover the elation and joy. It was great. I feel bad because my mom hasn't been able to go visit Tara. She usually would go for a few weeks to help out after she has a baby. Now I'm the big baby who needs mom. I know everyone understands, but I can't help but feel like I'm ripping people off in a way.

I've felt many parallels between this breast cancer journey and the journey one goes through in birth. You can have support people around you, and it is great. But there are some parts, some scary parts, that you just have to do on your own. Even when physically there may be people right next to you. I should think on the similarities and differences some more and write more about it. One thing this experience is teaching me is to try and trust medical professionals. My experiences in birth activism and ICAN exposed me to so many stories and instances where women were lied to and manipulated by doctors to make "choices" that weren't really their own. It kind of soured me to all things "medical." Now I need to learn to do my own homework, listen to the counsel of my doctors, and trust them. As one ICAN friend, who is also on this cancer journey, pointed out: "Birth is normal. Cancer is not."

My good friend, Nicole, brought dinner yesterday. Nicole went through a bilateral mastectomy about 15 months ago. It was wonderful to talk to her, see how much her scars (on the outside) have faded. Although I tried to be supportive as best I could, I had no clue what she was going through back then. It is nice to have someone who has been there before that I can talk to and ask questions of.

Today we are going to take Isabelle to her riding lesson. It is fun to watch her ride. I also need to stop off at Kaiser in San Marcos and refill my pain meds. Later in the day, we need to go to Trader Joes and get some beverages. TJs is the best for juice. Organic, and not too expensive! It feels good to have things to "do" that aren't necessarily cancer related. Almost normal.

My prayer requests today:

• That my body continue to heal and the pain subside. I'm refilling my pain meds, but I hope I don't have to use them.