Poser no more!

I know it has been quite awhile since I blogged. In a way, its a good thing. While not a day goes by where cancer/recurrence does not cross my mind, I have been able to kind of move on and be busy with life. God is good!

One of my goals this year was to get into doing triathalons. As part of that, I joined the Tri Club of San Diego (TCSD).  I first heard about the Tri Club when I bought my bike last fall. The guy I bought it from recommended it since they have group workouts, practice races, and was full of nice and helpful people to a newbie like me. I went to a informational meeting last January and joined that night. At the meeting, I got the cool "Tri Club of San Diego" sticker and put it on my car. Time to start thinking of myself as a triathalete, right?

But I felt like a poser.

I wasn't a total slug-I was training for my first half marathon of the year after all. Who had time for the biking and swimming. I finished the Carlsbad Half Marathon on January 27th at a respectable pace. Not a personal record, but not too bad. (I still would like to break the 2 hour mark-this time was 2:08 and change).

Then I took a daring step and signed up for my first sprint triathalon. That is coming up in May-the Encinitas Sprint. I'm doing it with another survivor friend of mine, one that I met doing the Komen commercial awhile back. (Hi Nancy!)

Time to seriously think about training, even though I still am focusing a lot on running, since I have the La Jolla Half Marathon in April-a notoriously tough race. Those who have done the San Diego 3 Day-it is basically that first half of the first day up Torrey Pines from Del Mar to La Jolla Shores.  But I still needed to start doing more biking and swimming. (Don't even get me started on my need to get used to swimming in the OCEAN....)

One of the cool benefits of TCSD is club races. They are free to sign up, they are timed, and its a way to race/practice/work the kinks out. This morning, I participated in my first club race-the Carlsbad coastal duathalon. A 2.5 mile run, followed by an approximately 12.5 mile bike ride, finishing up with the 2.5 mile run again. On paper, it didn't sound too bad.  And honestly, on the road, it was doable. My main goal was not to be last.

I learned a lot from it!

I showed up early-they said to check in between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m., with the race starting at 7 a.m. I am always early to stuff, being late stresses me out. So I showed up at 6:15 a.m. They aren't even set up. I didn't know a soul, and they all looked like serious athletes. Intimidation!  Not that they had attitude, not at all. They just knew each other and did this a lot.  I felt my goal of not wanting to finish last and not totally humiliate myself slipping through my fingers!  I felt like a dork just standing there, so when everyone started helping set up, I went over too. They were unloading these long wooden boxes with pieces to put together. It reminded me of a challenge you would see on "Survivor." Turns out they were racks to put bikes on. It was kind of funny to be putting it together, when I had never even seen one before, but I just faked it and did what everyone else did.  When they were open for signups, I checked in and got my timing chip. You're supposed to wear it around your ankle. Cool.  But the note that came with it said it needed to be activated online. Okay--I have an iPhone. So I entered the code and all on the TCSD site, but it didn't recognize it. Sheesh.  Okay, well, I have my nifty new Garmin 910XT that can tell me my time, and this is just for practice anyway, right? So I left the timing chip in the car.

Matt and me pre-race

My friend, Matt, showed up with his wife and one of his kids. It was great to have someone to talk to. Matt helped me program the Garmin for the duathalon so I thought I was all set. After a quick trip to the bathrooms, we were ready to go!  There were not that many women-I would say 10 or less. And most of them looked uber-fit as well.

The first leg of the race was fine. I actually did a pretty awesome pace for me-in the 8:30 range. That made me happy.  I came back to the transition area to get ready for the bike. I hit the button on my watch and started changing my shoes.  My bike shoes are easy to get in/out of, no problem. Helmet? Check. Sunglasses? I didn't wear them for the run, but I like to wear them on the bike because it protects my eyes from the wind. I put them on and they instantly fogged up. Ugh. That'll go away-just keep moving. Gloves? I start to put them on and THEY ARE INSIDE OUT! Argh! So I'm messing around with turning them right side and sticking my hand in one. I'm halfway into putting on my second one and I realize I have them upside down! That is, the palm is on the back of my hand. Too bad, so sad. I'm not taking the time to change it now. So lesson #1:  MAKE SURE YOUR GLOVES ARE RIGHT SIDE OUT!

Struggling with the gloves

I hopped on the bike and took off. I was glad for wearing long sleeves because it was cloudy along the coast.  I wasn't a half mile into the bike ride when my Garmin beeped at me, signaling a lap. Wait a minute....its not supposed to do that when you bike. Did I hit "stop" instead of "lap" at transition? What does Garmin think I'm doing? Still running?  I started pushing stop/pause/lap to try and get Garmin into sync with what I was doing. Not a good idea while riding a bike. First of all, its dangerous. Second of all, it slows you down. After awhile, I just figured, to heck with it.  Which leads me to lesson #2: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "LAP" AND "STOP." MAKE SURE YOU HIT THE RIGHT BUTTON IN AND OUT OF TRANSITION!

I was a little concerned that I would get lost on the bike course, so I made sure to keep up with the couple in front of me, the woman was wearing fluorescent yellow.  Not much to report on the bike course, other than marveling at how fast people can go on bikes. I was pushing it for me, and people still passed me. Of course, by now, I felt like I was probably very near the rear, but I didn't take the time to look back-I just kept pedaling.  One of the participants had some kind of accident-I'm not sure what happened, but one of those fit looking dudes I saw in the beginning ended up being tended to by paramedics by the side of the road. I hope it wasn't serious.  As I was coming up near the end of the ride, I saw that guys were already out on the second run lap. Not too surprising, but still. I didn't want to be last!

I came back into the transition area after the ride, and saw that many of those fit dudes were already done and were snacking on apples and bananas!  I got back into my running shoes as fast as I could, put my ball cap back on and took off. As I was taking off, I heard someone yell..."The first female finisher is in!"  Oh man. I don't want to be last, I don't want to be last!  At that point, I didn't see anyone behind me. Oh well. Worrying about it isn't going to do me any good. Just keep going.

Well.  I have never run immediately after biking. It is a sensation that is hard to describe. I wouldn't say your legs feel like jelly. More like wooden. I felt like I was clumping down the road at an incredibly awkward gait and slow pace. I hoped that after a half mile or so it would go away. It did kind of, but was exchanged with an overall "my legs are really tired" feeling.  I know that feeling, I can work with that.  I was happy to be able to pass a couple of men on the run, one of whom I know was just taking it easy. He was one of those fit guys from the early morning.  (He actually is one of the ones doing a "real" triathlon tomorrow in Coronado.) But who cares? If I could stay in front of them, I wouldn't be last!  As it turned out, I was going about a 9 minute mile. For me, that's pretty good. Not as fast as my first run, but still decent for me.

As I came in, there was a TCSD volunteer who asked me for my chip number. Chip? Uh, yeah. I left it in my car because I couldn't activate it. Turns out, he was recording times and I could have been "official" in the race. Lesson 3: WEAR YOUR CHIP NO MATTER WHAT!   By that time, I figured...whatever. My times are all screwed up anyway. This is all about learning lessons so I don't make the same mistakes in a "real" race.  My friend Matt and his family were there to cheer me on over the finish line, which was nice. His son hi-fived me as I crossed the finish. And it was done!  We made our way over to the snack table to get some water and stretch. After a few minutes, I realized I hadn't stopped the Garmin. Oh man! Lesson 4: STOP YOUR GARMIN AFTER YOU CROSS THE FINISH LINE!

I am happy to say, I saw at least 3 people (all men) come in after me, so at least I wasn't last.  Boy, I have a lot to learn. And a lot of room for improvement in my fitness. It was a pretty fun event, and I'm glad I did it.  There is a club practice triathlon in April that I would like to sign up for.  Lord knows what kind of goofy mistakes I will make trying to transition from swim to bike!  Not to mention that I'm not that experienced in the open water swimming department.

I got home, and Garmin uploaded my data to the website. As I looked at it, it thought I did an hour and 32 minute run that went 16.88 miles. What?  Just a run? Which brings me to the final lesson 5: MAKE SURE YOU SET GARMIN FOR MULTI-SPORT! I had programmed it for run-bike-run, but never actually switched from just run to the multi-sport. At least I know my total time, although it did take me a few minutes to stop the watch after coming in.  So my time was probably around 90 minutes.

In any event, I can sport the sticker on my car now without feeling like a total liar. Maybe just a little since I haven't actually done a "tri" athalon. But I am no longer a complete poser!  In the coming months I'll make it all the way. I may be near the back of the pack, but I will cross the finish line, Lord willing!

2012 by the numbers

I really enjoy my Garmin GPS watch. Not only does it give me my pace and distance information, I am able to upload it to Garmin's website and track my workouts and progress. You can really "geek out" on some of the data you can get.

In short, I covered a total of 1,631.09 miles! (It took 350 hours, 15 minutes, and 15 seconds....over 2 weeks, lol!)

For data geeks like me, here is how Garmin breaks it down:


Running

Count:	158 Activities
Distance:	834.99 mi
Time:	148:48:23 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	45,602 ft
Avg Speed:	5.6 mph
Avg HR:	153 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	54,968 C
Avg Distance:	5.32 mi

Walking

Count:	77 Activities
Distance:	478.06 mi
Time:	148:39:47 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	60,078 ft
Avg Speed:	3.2 mph
Avg HR:	99 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	0 rpm
Calories:	28,081 C
Avg Distance:	6.21 mi

Biking

Count:	19 Activities
Distance:	289.33 mi
Time:	29:42:05 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	19,111 ft
Avg Speed:	10.2 mph
Avg HR:	119 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	11,084 C
Avg Distance:	17.02 mi

Swimming

Count:	25 Activities
Distance:	28.71 mi
Time:	23:05:00 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	--
Avg Speed:	1.2 mph
Avg HR:	--
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	--
Avg Distance:	1.15 mi

For Christmas, Eric gave me a Garmin "upgrade," which I haven't cashed in yet. I've pretty much decided on which model I want-one that will track swimming better, I just haven't made the purchase yet. I can only IMAGINE how much data I'll have for 2013!! 

Complacent no more!

I'm happy to report my lymphedema seems to have gotten under control. All it took was taking the time to take care of it: doing the massage nightly; wrapping; and staying bandaged longer. I also started using "chip bags"as part of my bandaging on my hand and forearm.  I can once again wear my wedding rings without worrying that I will be unable to get them off!

It was a wake up call for me, though. I had spent most of the summer not massaging, and only wrapping a fraction of the time. Even with our trip to France, I was spared swelling. So I began to take it for granted. This latest episode has shaken me out of my complacent place. Especially now as my mileage for the 3 Day begins to increase. This week was a "rest' week with only 20 miles, but next week I'm in for 30! Keeping my arm bandaged for some of these long walks has definitely helped, although it has been difficult with the hot weather.

I was not so happy to see that I've crept up a few pounds on the scale today. Yikes. Another place of complacency that is being shaken. Considering all of my exercise, I haven't been careful about what I'm putting in my mouth, and the scale doesn't hide it! So I'm back to counting calories. I'll admit...the past couple weeks, I've indulged in wine, dessert, and too many snacks. (Like the huge bag of yogurt raisins I bought at Costco and pretty much finished off myself in a week!)  I've gone past my "no go" number by a pound and its time to get serious again. Its ridiculous considering the amount of exercise I do!  If I'm careful about what I put in, I should be feeling good again in a few weeks. (Just in time for my 25th high school reunion in October!)

I still am dealing with bursitis in my hip, but that I'm told takes a very long time to go away. I can't exactly stop using it. So I'm icing it, taking anti-inflammatories, and not sleeping on my left side. On the good side, my left foot/heel seems to be dealing with getting back into walking and running.  I've added foot stretches and rolling my feet on a golf ball as part of my cool down.  I guess this is another area where I am no longer complacent!

Status update

It has been a busy few weeks. The kids started school again 2 weeks ago. Isabelle and Jean-Marc are each doing swimming 2 times a week, so I find myself on the road being the taxi again.

My plantar facitis seems to have abated, thank God. However, when it first flared up in July, I compensated by walking on the outer part of my left foot, which caused my hip to have problems. I saw my chiropractor last week to make sure that it wasn't cancer. (I know, I know.) But Dr. P's way of monitoring in between check ups is to tell me, "If you have a pain that doesn't go away, come see me." This hip pain is officially bursitis.  My chiropractor nailed it right off by comparing my right and left side.  I also got a really good adjustment in the process. He did tell me that my foot felt much better than the last time I was in. Yay! Anyway,  Dr. Google tells me the remedies for bursitis are ice, anti-inflammatories, and rest. Hm.  Okay, well 2 out of 3 should help, right? If it got really bad, I could get a cortisone shot in the hip. I don't know if I would ever go there, though. I had one once...and it is a very traumatic memory. 

The thing is, I don't want to rest. I love to exercise. Plus, I officially started my 3 Day training a few weeks ago. While its not as rewarding as running (burning half the calories in twice the time), I do know that it is important if I want to be able to walk the entire 60 miles. So I've been walking a lot more the past few weeks. Rest really isn't an option at this point.  I'm in a groove! Here is my Garmin calendar to prove it for the month of August. 

With my foot problems, I've gotten into other forms of exercise more. I took 3 weeks off of any impact and for cardio did stationary bike riding and swimming. Now I'm all inspired to tackle a triathalon at some point. Yesterday, I swam 2,300 yards in an hour. 1,100 of them were freestyle, non-stop. This morning, a friend from church loaned me a bike that I can try out. I'm excited to give it a try. Cycling is a whole new world for me.  I half-jokingly told my parents this morning...I need a cycling outfit! Maybe something in pink? :-)

Anyway, one problematic issue that seems to have cropped up is my lymphedema. I had a small pain on my left hand for a few days. I'm not sure where it came from, but it definitely felt tender, like a bruise. It also has been very hot, and I have been walking, which tends to make me swell. I noticed last week my hand was puffy, so I started being more diligent about wearing bandages or my custom Juxta-Fit sleeve at night. I even did the manual drainage massage a few nights. But when I do, I'm not getting that "tingly" feeling that tells me that the lymph is moving. So far, it does not seem to have helped. I wore my nighttime wrapping/bandaging the last 2 mornings walking to no avail. Today, I'm wearing my compression sleeve and glove during the day. For the past year or so, I've only worn it while exercising. But I can tell through the glove (even more coverage/compression than the gauntlet) that my hand is puffy. I'm thinking that maybe I need to go and see my physical therapist to get "unstuck" from where I am. She's good at the drainage and can probably get it moving for me. It's not life threatening, but it is a bummer to look down and see my hand all puffy.  Eric and I measured my hand and arm today for the first time in about a year, and I measured a centimeter up at most points on my arm. Sigh. So I guess I need to get more aggressive with my bandaging. Great.

It's a pain, but its okay. I can deal with it. That's life, and it could be so much worse. I'm grateful that at least I know to be on guard for this and can spot it as it happens. I've been given the tools to deal with it too, which is something that many women do not have. In any event, any prayers that you all could lift for me on this would be greatly appreciated. 

In training

One of the things that helped me journey this cancer trip has been exercise.  During treatment, my goal was to keep exercising as much as I could-at least 5 days a week.  Check. That helped me so much get through the process.  The next goal was a couple of little races in the year. I realized this morning that in 2011, I ran three 5ks and one 10k.  Not bad for an ex-chubby girl who hated running since Alvarado middle school!

Of course, the 3 Day walk was a huge challenge in and of itself. Walking 60 miles in 3 days was no joke. Check.

My next physical goal is my first half-marathon next month.  The Disney Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon in Anaheim, California.  About a week an a half after the 3 Day ended, I started training in earnest for it.
I've got a great app from Runner's World, called "Smart Coach." You put in your goal, a recent race time, how many miles you want to do total each week and out pops a training program. It's great for a newbie like me who has no clue about how to actually train for running.

Smart Coach has me doing between 20-25 miles a week. One long run day (I'm up to 9 miles), two easier days (4 and 5 miles) and one speed work day. That entails either long repeats/intervals, or a tempo run where I run at a faster pace for 3-4 miles.  I do those on the treadmill so I can control the speed.

Today I did my second 9 miler. I did it. It wasn't too bad, except for a hill between miles 6 and 7 that I had to slow down to a walk for .10 of a mile. (I made up for it by running 9.1 before I stopped!)  I've also started running without being plugged into music, at least when I'm on the street.  I thought that would be much harder, but it wasn't. Granted, my pace isn't breaking any speed records. But I'm running the whole thing. That is my goal for this first 1/2 marathon-to run the whole 13.1, even if it's not fast. It will be a PR in any event, right?!  Today I averaged a little over 11 minute miles.

As I ran I thought about other physical goals for the year.  I've been working with a personal trainer for the last month at the gym. The sessions were a birthday gift from my parents. That has been a lot of fun, and something I'm going to continue.  She has  taken me into the "big boy" weight training room to show me how to do some new things. As I told my trainer, my goal right now is just to maintain my weight, and keep my running training on track. Come January, I'm going to buckle down and lose the last 10 pounds that I've been carrying around.  I feel good where I am, but with my short height, I could go 10-15 pounds lower from where I am. I'd like to see what that looks and feels like. But to try and start that  during the holidays is unrealistic. So 2012 it is.  With all the exercise, it should just take some discipline on the eating/drinking side for a month or two to get it off.

And what about events? I've already signed up for the 2012 3 Day walk in November, so that will take 13-16 weeks of training in the fall.  I decided this morning that, God willing, I'd like to do three 1/2 marathons this year. Tinkerbell in January is already set. I've found the San Diego Rock & Roll 1/2 marathon in early June. I need to find one more before mid-August in order to get 3 in before I have to slow it down to a walk.

I still can't believe this is me. As I was running today, I saw my shadow and couldn't believe it. I was over 5 miles into it, and felt great. It's amazing what you can do if you stick to it.  Persistence, perseverance and don't give up. Change will happen. Praise and thanksgiving to God for giving me the strength and ability to do it.

Now if God will keep the cancer from coming back, everything will be great.

Under attack!

I'm going to be speaking at a women's ministry breakfast later this month at my church, Calvary Chapel of Escondido. (October 22nd for you locals).  I've known about the event for some time, but had been putting off preparing for it. Of course, that started to stress me out when October 1 rolled around.  Last week, I sat down and started to think about what I would share.

One reason for putting it off, frankly, was that I knew it would force me to go back and re-live the past 18 months. I also was afraid that I wouldn't have anything to say. I didn't want to sound lame, you know?

The first day I worked on it, I was very anxious. Re-living June 2010 just added to my sporadic bouts of paranoia about recurrence. It definitely put me into a funk.  But as I continued to work on it, my mood changed. Initially, it was because I was making progress and it reassured me that I wouldn't be doing it right before the event.  Not only was my talk taking shape, but I could see how it was going to go beyond just my testimony. I have a message and an exhortation that I want to give as well.  Besides, I've never been much of a procrastinator. But it went deeper than that. Going back and looking at this blog and re-living it in a compressed period of time was actually helpful to me. I could see how present God was throughout the whole thing.  Living it day by day it was easy to miss HIM in the whole thing.  How the Lord would send me a Word at the right time to help me get through. I actually began to enjoy working on my talk.  It also helped calm my paranoid anxiety about recurrence. God is in control!  I just needed to be reminded of that.Things were going along just great.

Several things have cropped up since last weekend that I feel like are part of an attack by the enemy.

• First off, my foot. It still is giving me trouble. I did a 6 1/2 mile training walk earlier this week, and by the end, I was feeling it. Yesterday in bible study, we were talking about pride and how it says all over the bible that pride will bring you down. I realized that not taking time off of the walking training was a form of pride for myself. I could boast about how far I walked, regardless of an injury. That was just going to make it worse if I kept it up. So I decided to take a week off of the walking training. I'm still able to do low-impact things at the gym (bike, elliptical, etc). So I'll keep working out. But I want to give my foot a rest. But it has been a source of anxiety for me. I need for it to heal so I can walk in the 3-Day!
• Secondly, Jean-Marc has an inguinal hernia. He had one as an infant, so when I saw the tell tale bulge on Sunday night, I knew right away what it was. We went into the pediatrician on Monday and, sure enough, I was right. We have an appointment to see the pediatric surgeon down at Zion next week. I'm not looking forward to this at all. We've been through it, so I know what to expect. But now he will be asking questions, wanting to eat the morning of the procedure, and I dread the moment when I have to leave him alone with the nurses and doctors. Not so much for me, but I know he will be scared. On top of all of that, I'll be back in the pre-op area of Kaiser. Last time I was there was for my mastectomy in July 2010.I know the sights, smells, and sounds will trigger stuff for me. I'm not looking forward to that.
• Finally, in the middle of the night, I awoke with a pain in the middle of my back. I got up at 3 a.m. and tried to strech, but nothing helped. I took 3 Advil and laid flat on my back. Fortunately, I was able to get back to sleep. But the pain was pretty bad. Of course, that sent my brain into, "Oh my gosh...what if it is a recurrence and I have cancer in my bones?"  Being in the dead of night didn't help any. It was still bad this morning. I called my chiropractor and was able to get in first thing this morning. I was a little fearful of going in, becuase I could just hear him say that from his point of view, nothing was wrong. (Hence, the cancer was back.)  But I went in anyway. As it turns out, I have a muscle in my back that is all inflamed and spasm-y. They ultrasounded it, which felt good. Then he adjusted me and advised that I continue with the anti-inflammatories. That should be good for my foot as well. I'm glad that its not cancer, but it still hurts. 
• I go back to see my oncologist, Dr. P, on Monday. It's my first 6 month check up. I'm a little nervous about it.  Its just adding to the anxiety. 

I know that I should be anxious about nothing. This morning, I prayed that verse from Phillipians. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests be made known to God, and the peace that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Anxiety is a common battle for me these days. To have all these other anxiety-producing things going on, it just feels like these are the arrows of the enemy. Aiming at my peace. Aiming at my faith. Seeking to kill and destroy me if I let them. Seeking to distract me from what I know is true. Perhaps even to derail me from the course I'm taking with my talk later this month.

In any event, I'm glad I recognized all of this for what it is. As I should have done all along, now when I have a momentary freak out, I can just look to the Lord. He will provide me with strength to get through it, as well as the peace that passes understanding.

I appreciate your prayers on all these fronts!