Done all I can do

I've done everything needed to have this surgery happen. I went in for 2 chest X-rays yesterday at Kaiser in San Marcos. No appointment was necessary. It was a breeze. I walked in, paid the $10 cost share and they took me right in. I was in and out in 10 minutes. The tech asked me if there was any chance I was pregnant. No, sir. Then he asked me if I was having regular periods. I said yes. (In my mind, I thought....for now.) He asked if I was done with childbearing or did I want to shield my ovaries. Hmm. I replied that those days were most likely over.

I'm not sure if I've blogged about it, but chemotherapy is very likely to put me into menopause. Even if it doesn't, my oncologist said that it may be advisable to make it happen anyway. I'm not sure how they would do that short of taking out my ovaries and other reproductive organs. I'm not going to think too much about that right now. As Scarlett would say, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

I'm just marking time right now, trying to get the household organized and caught up so I can take several weeks "off." It felt good yesterday to go through the finances and paperwork. I reviewed our Fidelity portfolios and updated them per the latest issue of Sound Mind Investing. I cleared out my "inbox" and threw away a lot of expired stuff. When we moved into this house, my new neighbor mentioned she had a cleaning lady that she loved. Eric has given me the green light to get some help in that department. (A perk of having cancer, I suppose.) I had her come over yesterday and give me a quote. She starts Monday! Right in time for my mother in law's arrival on Tuesday.

I drafted my Advance Health Care Directive yesterday. I took it to the UPS store to get it notarized. I'll take it with me on the day of surgery. I also did a simple will. We haven't done our family trust yet. My bad. But I do feel like it would be prudent to have at least a basic will in place, particularly for guardianship of the kids. As far as the property goes, I am fine with the way California would distribute it if I didn't have a will. Besides, it can always be revoked later when I get around to doing our trust. I just need to get two witnesses to watch me sign the will. It's weird drafting your own will. I've done it for others and it wasn't strange at all. I'm not expecting to need it anytime soon!

Tomorrow I'm driving up to meet my best friend from childhood at Glen Ivy Hot Springs. I've booked a massage that I am really looking forward to. Hopefully it won't be too hot to enjoy Club Mudd afterwards! But the best part will be to hang out with a dear friend and visit.

I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up at 1:15 a.m. covered in sweat. It was so hot last night, even with the windows open. As usual, I couldn't get back to sleep right away. So I spent the next few hours tossing and turning, with dozens of random thoughts popping into my head. One thing is for sure. Next week when I am post-op, I am not going to suffer the heat on top of camisoles and oozing drains. We have air conditioning, and I plan to use it if necessary.

My prayer requests today:

• As always, that this cancer does not spread. It is kind of scary knowing, but not really knowing the extent of it. I'm dreading the pathology report.
• That tonight be a better night for sleep.
• That Olivier enjoy his last day at boy scout camp. Last year, I went up on Friday night and joined them for dinner. But the drive home was a bit scary. I didn't even think of going this year. I hope he's not disappointed that I'm not going. I hope he's had a good week and enjoys this last night.

Thank you all for sticking with me. This post has been a bit of a rambly, stream of consciousness thing. It reminds me a bit of the random thoughts I had in the middle of the night. Unfocused and unorganized!