People keep telling me I look good. I suppose, all things considered, I am doing good. I struggle with frustration because I want to be back to normal. I was reminded by a dear sister this morning that God appointed this time in my life to REST. I need to be obedient to that. Make no mistake about it-the only reason I am where I am is because of the Lord Jesus Christ giving me His grace to go on. Seriously. For the past 6 weeks, He has kept me from completely freaking out over having cancer. I've had some weak moments, to be sure. I'm human. But I realize looking back on those moments that those are the times when I neglect to reach out to the One who is right there with me in all of this.
There is a story in the gospels that has brought me back to reality of God's loving provision before in my life and I was reminded of it again this morning during communion. It is when Jesus and the disciples are on a boat crossing the Sea of Galilee. Jesus has been ministering to the multitudes all day. He had to have been wiped out. So he is sleeping in the boat. All of a sudden a fierce storm comes up. It has to be bad, because the disciples (several of whom were experienced fishermen), are in fear of their life. They wake Jesus up and let him have it, screaming that they are about to die. Didn't He care? Here they are, on the edge of life and death, and Jesus is missing in action-He's asleep! Jesus rises and rebukes the storm with a word. All is calm. They were not in danger. Jesus was in their boat. They just forgot momentarily who was with them.
This cancer is definitely a raging storm in my life at the moment. It is very easy to forget that I've got Jesus in my boat. When I forget that, I have dark moments. I can even freak out and be afraid of dying. But I'm not in danger as long as I have Him. Even beyond that, but I know that God allowed this storm into my life for reasons that are only known to Him. He is using this pain to make me a better person. A better friend. More compassionate. A better ambassador of Him. He's using it in ways to change those around me for the better too. I don't even know all of the ripples that my storm has out in the universe. But God does. And I know that He is using it for the good for everyone.
I'm reading a book called, "A Future and a Hope" by Jon Courson. I've always enjoyed Jon's practical teaching of the Word. This book is described as "Sermons of comfort in seasons of confusion." I recommend it for anyone, especially during difficult times in your life. In it, he says that Christians are like tea bags. You don't know what flavor they are until they are dunked in hot water. Well, I'm in hot water right now. It is my hope that my flavor is sweet to the Lord. I hope that others recognize God's work in this and glorify Him in it. I hope that I grow closer to Him each day. And that you do too. He will use this seemingly bad event/storm/cancer for good. One day, we will all sit back and marvel at the outcome.
I know He will. He is faithful to complete the work.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!