I like this DVD because it incorporates some weights. Jillian's circuit training style was what helped me lose 50 pounds over the past year, so its a proven workout for me. I also think its good for me as I process the latest batch of poison because while it does get your heart rate up there, it isn't as intense of a cardio blast as other workouts are. I'll save a cardio blast for tomorrow.
It wasn't easy though, and I had to modify the pushups to the "girl" version on my knees. There were times when I felt a little dizzy, and I attribute that to the Cipro that I started taking yesterday.
It is important to me to feel strong. I realized this morning during the workout when I felt like I was going to poop out, I would just imagine the word 'CANCER' in my mind and my energy was renewed. Before cancer, I would imagine Jillian yelling at me like she does her contestants on "The Biggest Loser." Now cancer's voice is much stronger than hers. As I do the harder workouts and really push myself, I can feel myself actually beating this demon disease inside of me. It is certainly a motivator.
|My little lion|
I can't help but laugh sometimes at situations. One of the other moms in the class, who is quite pregnant and kept busy by her almost-two-year-old, made a comment to me that she can't remember the last time she did her hair. Without missing a beat, I said, "me either!" She laughed and hi-fived me. Her mom dealt with chemo, so she wasn't offended. Later on when I was picking up Isabelle, a friend came up to me and asked me what "that" was. Now she is much taller than me--I'm only 5'1 on a good day. So she was looking down as she asked, so it really did look like she was looking at my chest, at least from my perspective. My first thought was my foobies! At least I asked "what?" That gave her the chance to point to my arm. I told the group I was with that I almost said something about "wearing my boobs" today. Sometimes, you just have to laugh.
My prayer requests:
- Healing. That this chemo be effective. I would hate to think that all of this is for nothing. I don't want to live with cancer forever. I want to beat it once and for all.
- Mental battles. Along with the idea of "beating it once and for all" is a fear that it won't end. That cancer will come back and I will have to do it over. I know that happens to a lot of women, I've met some of them. Many fight the rest of their lives with it. I admire their strength and willingness to fight. But gosh, I am afraid of becoming one of them. I know that my health is all in God's hands and I should not be fearful. But it is scary and my enemy knows this weakness-and he exploits it. I need to be physically strong, but spiritually and mentally as well.