Let's get this show on the road already!

Waiting is so hard. Last week, it felt like every day we were doing something each day to fight this thing. I told myself on Friday that I wanted to enjoy each day as much as possible outside of cancer. To do things actively with the kids while I still could. We went to the movies for the past 2 days and had a good time. (Okay, that isn't very active...but I did promise to take them to Karate Kid, and on Friday it was just serendipity that one of Isabelle's friends' moms invited a bunch of kids to see Toy Story 3). I was able to escape for awhile each time, but about 2/3 through the movie cancer thoughts came back into my mind.

Today is Father's Day. I am so thankful for my own dad. This can't be easy for him. My parents are such rocks. I am so blessed and couldn't ask for anything more in the parent department. I know if one of my kids had cancer, I would be torn up inside. Not only are they facing my disease with me, my youngest brother is in Mosul, Iraq with the 3rd infantry division. My sister and sister in law are both expecting babies pretty much any day now. The babies are happy events, sure. But still life changers. Wild time for Clan Graham.

But back to my subject. The only thing I could do for the past couple days to feel like I am fighting is work out. Always before, the focus of my workouts was getting thin. Jillian's workouts are no joke. When I would feel like giving up during insane cardio intervals, I would imagine Jillian in my face screaming at me. Now when I work out, I feel like a soldier in training. It's PT time. Like Colonel Hackworth would say, "More sweat on the training field = less blood on the battlefield."

I am in a waiting period right now. Waiting on results from the PET scan. Waiting on the oncology appointment, which is currently set for Friday. Waiting on an MRI appointment. Waiting for Kaiser to get my mammogram films together for me to take to UCSD for the MRI. I just want to get this started NOW. I think I will call tomorrow and see if the oncology consult could be moved up in the week. If I could get some chemo going this week that would make me feel like I was taking the fight to the enemy. Cancer cells could be wreaking havoc in my body, multiplying and making themselves at home. They need to be dealt with NOW!

As I type the list of all the things I am waiting for, I realize I must wait on the Lord. It will all happen on His time table and on His schedule. Sigh. He knows what is best for me. There was a verse earlier in the week I read about waiting on the Lord that escapes me right now. Something about waiting on Him and being courageous. I don't have time right now to look it up. Heck, it may have been one of those Psalms from the other day. :-)

I've got to go now. Time for church. I look forward to seeing everyone this morning. The Calvary Escondido family has been awesome in their love and support.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!