Isabelle was in the San Marcos Holiday Parade today with her girl scout troop. For the first time, I wasn't able to be there. Not even to stand on the streets and watch her go by. I spent the afternoon in bed trying to rest, but knowing that I was letting her down. So I laid there, zoning out. Wishing I had the energy to get out there, but knowing I didn't. All in all, a pretty crappy way to spend the afternoon.
When she came home, she seemed okay at first. I asked her to tell me all about it, and she did have a good time. I apologized for not being able to be there. All the other girls had at least one parent there. She was the last one to be picked up. She did cry a little bit.Which made me cry a lot. We just sat there on the couch. Hugging and crying. It was kind of hard, because at the same time, Jean-Marc was trying to get a piece of me too, and was climbing on lap, edging her out.
I hate not being able to be out there supporting my kids like I used to be. I know that it is temporary, but that doesn't make it any easier today. I know that as she grows older, she will come to understand that my absence today was not by choice.
But that doesn't make it any easier today.
