Creepy nails

My fingernails are getting progressively worse.  I noticed this morning doing the breakfast dishes that my pinky and ring finger on my left hand were starting to turn reddish-brown.  It almost looks like the fingers were smashed in a door.  You can't tell from the picture, but all fingernails have horizontal lines on them.

This is a known side effect of Taxotere.  Thank God that I only have one round left.

The sensitivity in my fingertips continues as well.  I'm finding it difficult to do small motor skill tasks.  Zippers, of all things, are giving me trouble.  I feel like such a dunce to be having trouble zipping up my toddler's jackets!  Even my own give me trouble.

I did feel more energetic this morning at the gym than I did a few days ago.  I did 35 minutes on an elliptical and then opted for the stationary bike for the last 30 minutes.  The last bit wasn't as strenuous as usual, but I did do intervals which is good for the metabolism. I got to my calorie burn goal, so that was good.  (I like to burn at least 400 calories and today I got to about 465).

No news on my eyes, sadly.  They still burn and water.  I'm wearing my glasses and am looking forward to seeing the optometrist in a few weeks, no pun intended.

Overall, I'm feeling good all things considered.  I'm looking forward to this Friday and my spirits are good. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support.

Nails and foobs

I think I am experiencing a new side effect from the chemotherapy this week.

A couple days ago as I was working in the kitchen, my fingertips kind of hurt.  Almost like I had been using my fingernails as tools to pry something open.  Tender to the touch, and a little sore.  As I look at my fingernails, I see some horizontal stripes on them.  For those who have been following my blog for awhile, you may remember that I was concerned about one of my toenails.  It still is black and blue and starting to lift.  

I did a quick google search and found this out about one of my chemo drugs, taxotere/docetaxel:

"Nail changes (Color changes to your fingernails or toenails may occur while taking docetaxel. In extreme, but rare, cases nails may fall off. After you have finished docetaxel treatments, your nails will generally grow back) (see skin problems)."


Nice, huh?  I covered up my toenails with some bright red polish today.  It's not worth it to do my fingernails.  I have them in and out of water so much that I can't keep polish on for more than a day or two.

Hopefully all 20 will hang on (literally) for a little bit longer!

On another note, there has been a lot of publicity this week about the new airport screening measures adopted by the TSA.  I wondered about what could happen if I went through these new measures wearing my prosthetic breasts.  Would it look weird on the full body scan and trigger a more invasive inspection?  I then heard this story today:

(CBS)  A flight attendant and cancer survivor said she was forced to remove and show her prosthetic breast to a TSA agent during a security pat-down.


Cathy Bossi of Charlotte, who has been a flight attendant for the past 32 years, told CBS Affiliate WBTV that in August she was asked to go through the new full-body scanners at Charlotte Douglas International Airport.


As a 3-year breast cancer survivor Bossi said she didn't want the added radiation through her body, but reluctantly agreed.


"The TSA agent told me to put my ID on my back," Boss told WBTV correspondent Molly Grantham. "When I got out of there, she said because my ID was on my back, I had to go to a personal screening area."


Bossi was taken to a private room where two female Charlotte TSA agents began what she calls an "aggressive" pat-down.


Bossi said the exam halted when they got around to feeling her right breast - the one where she'd had surgery.


"She put her full hand on my breast and said, 'What is this?' Bossi recalled. "And I said, 'It's my prosthesis because I've had breast cancer.' And she said, 'Well, you'll need to show me that.'"


Bossi was asked to remove her prosthetic breast from her bra and show it to the agent.


She said she did not take down the name of the agent because of the "horrific" nature of the experience.


"It just blew my mind. I couldn't believe that somebody had done that to me,'" she told WBTV.


Bossi has since contacted the flight attendants union's Legislative Affairs Team.


She says there are better alternatives to such intrusive examinations.


"There are blowers and there are dogs that could sniff out bombs," she said. "There's no reason to have somebody's hands touching your body parts."


A TSA representative told WBTV that agents are allowed to ask to see and touch any passenger's prosthetic, but aren’t supposed to remove them. Later, the TSA contacted the station and said they would review the Bossi matter. 

Like I've said before, breast cancer is the gift that keeps on giving.

One down, five to go

I'm home from round #1 of chemo. All in all, it wasn't bad. In fact, it was kind of a break! No kids to entertain, no diapers to change, no sibling squabbles to mediate. I had 3+ hours to relax, read, snooze, or watch TV.

I had a good breakfast. I wanted to make sure I had some vegetables in me. I made eggs with spinach and a tomato in it. A slice of Ezekiel low sodium bread, and a bowl of organic berries. Bring on the chemo!

Eric came with me to get me settled in. They took me to my station in the chemotherapy suite and I sat down. The nurse who would be taking care of me looked at me and said, "I think we have a connection!" Really? As it turns out, we have a mutual friend. A lady who was in my bible study group last semester is a mutual friend. She and her kids were swimming at their house just the other day. She told her nurse friend that she knew someone who was going to be starting chemotherapy and to look out for someone named "Tonya." Our mutual friend didn't know if I was a Kaiser member or not, so the nurse didn't think much about it. When she looked at the schedule yesterday, she didn't notice my name. But this morning when I came in, she saw it. Isn't that neat? I told her that it was such a GOD thing! She goes to Calvary Chapel Oceanside. She said that we would be spending eternity together, its nice to take care of each other before that. Cool!

She put a warm towel around my right arm for a few minutes before the poke. When she took the towel off, my veins were FANTASTIC!! It was like the Nile river! So easy to see...standing up almost saying, "Right here, lady!" The poke did sting a bit, but what do you expect? That was the worst of it, and it was over quick. They started with a saline drip for awhile, I guess to flush things out. She also gave me a mega dose of Zofran, an anti-nausea medication.

She asked me about various health issues I may be having. When she asked about my sleep, I admitted it hadn't been going too well the last few nights. She mentioned that the steroid that I'm supposed to take the day before, day of, and day after chemo would contribute to sleeplessness. On the other side, it gives me energy during the day. She called Dr. P and he prescribed Ativan to help me sleep. I'm not supposed to use it every day because it is habit forming. And I'm not big on taking drugs. It's a slippery slope-you have to take one drug to counteract the effects of another drug and it just snowballs. But I do want to get some sleep, so I think I'm going to take one tonight. Just while I'm on the steroid. The nurse said my energy will drop fast when I stop taking the steroid (which will be on Sunday, Day #2) So I most likely won't be needing any sleep aids!

We also talked about nutrition. The nurse said raw fruits and veggies were okay, as long as they were very clean. She said she wouldn't advise a restaurant salad bar, but if I'm doing it at home and washing them well, its fine. Good! I go out of my way to buy organic produce, and I recently have gotten into the habit of using a vegetable wash to make sure any bad things are washed off.

They started with the Cytoxan. It wasn't a big deal at all. They started me out with the drug going in slower, at "50." I figured that was 1/2 speed, but as it progressed, they got me up to 200. I didn't feel any effects of it at all.

While I was there, I just read my book. The lady next to me was on her last round, but her rounds went with one long day (today) and then a short day next week. I was surprised not to see any bald people, or women in scarves. This is the chemotherapy suite, after all! One lady I could tell was in a wig. Maybe other people just had better wigs? I'd better lose my hair after all the hats I've been getting! Either that or turn into a hat person.

Jean-Marc had his 2 year old well baby checkup in the middle of all this upstairs in the pediatric office. Eric went home and took him to that. Afterwards, they came to visit me. He was so cute coming into the room. He wanted to get up on my lap, but that wasn't going to happen. It was lunch time for him, so Eric took him home. But he cried on the way out. He's going through another separation anxiety phase right now. Not fun.

The two nurses who were there are planning to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk in November. Their team name is "These nurses stick it to breast cancer." I told her that I was planning on doing it next year!

After the Cytoxan was the Taxotere. Again, no big deal. I didn't feel like anything was going on. During the course of the morning, I unplugged my mobile unit and went to the bathroom, refilled my water bottle. I had 40 ounces while there. Before I went in, I had 10 ounces of water with 2 ounces of Xango juice in it. I also finished off my night time water, so that was probably another 10 ounces. This afternoon, I've had another 20. I don't think drinking water is going to be difficult for me! I'm even thirsty now, after 80+ ounces, and its not even 4 p.m.!

Mom came after Eric got home to pick me up. The timing was perfect. We dropped the prescription off at the pharmacy and went to lunch. I wanted to stay close, so we went to the Stir Fresh Mongolian Grill. I wanted some more veggies and just made my sauce mild. It was good. Afterwards, we had a frappucino at Starbucks. On the way home, we picked up the prescription and it was done.

So how do I feel? I feel fine right now. It's strange waiting to be hit with the unknown. The nurse advised that I take the anti-nausea med tonight, and then once in the morning and evening for the next 3 days. Better than getting sick. Hopefully that will ward that off. Eric feels worse than I do, actually! He didn't sleep well, either. He's been complaining of a headache all day. I'm sure its all stress related.

I'm hoping to feel well enough tomorrow morning to go to my sister in laws baby shower. But like everything these days, I'm playing it all by ear. Stay tuned!

My prayer requests:

• That the drugs in my body right now are killing off those cancer cells. Digging their way into their DNA and disrupting the replication process. Die suckas!!
• That the side effects I experience be manageable.
• That Eric start to feel better. He has a business trip on Sunday and needs to be able to function. (Don't worry---mom has already offered to come and stay here with us if I need it!)
• That the kids have some peace and not be afraid. Mom told me that after we left this morning that the 3 of them had some prayer time and talk about their fears. They both were crying. They don't share this with me, or at least they haven't so far. But mom said it was a very good time and they were able to express their worries and give them up to the Lord.

Turning to the next page

Time marches on. Even during this summer of surprise and turmoil. In some ways, the summer is dragging on. In other ways, it seems like the blink of an eye. Strange.

Today is exactly 2 weeks after my bilateral mastectomy. I was able to scale down the pain medication yesterday to a total of 3. At night, I took one rather than two. I didn't sleep as deeply, and didn't go to sleep right away when I woke up for a "nature break" in the middle of the night. But I did get a full night of sleep. It could have just been psychological, knowing I took less before bed.

I had my appointment with Dr. P today to see what the rest of my treatment is going to look like. Mom and Eric both went with me, and we recorded it just in case we forgot any details. Not only is the support nice, it is good to have another set of eyes/ears and brain in the room. I was very glad that he did not give me a percentage chance of survival, nor did he dwell on the stage of the cancer.

As I expected, Dr. P is recommending 6 rounds of chemotherapy and then a course of radiation, and then hormonal therapy for 5 years afterwards. The radiation is on the menu because I had more than 4 positive lymph nodes. I asked him if I do chemo, doesn't that "kill" all the bad cells? Isn't radiation then overkill? He thought that was a good question. It basically comes down to doing all you can to make sure the cancer is gone. Each treatment attacks it slightly differently. He thought the chemo and hormonal treatment was the most important in my case. I have time to think about radiation. I definitely want to throw all my weapons at this enemy and kick it once.

We do have a decision to make, however. When it comes to the chemo, the traditional cocktail in cases like mine has been a mix of three drugs: taxotere; cytoxan; and adriamycin. There apparently is debate in the oncology community about whether or not adriamycin is really necessary for breast cancer. The camps are about 50/50. The trend seems to be to leave out the adriamycin. There is a clinical trial going on that I am eligible to participate in that will answer that question. Too bad it isn't already answered. Because now I have to decide whether or not to do the chemo with or without adriamycin. I asked Dr. P which camp he was in, because he wasn't pushing one over the other. (A good sign, I think). He said he falls into the side of leaving it out. Adriamycin can cause damage to the heart muscle, and it can also cause leukemia. On the other hand, it is part of the traditional treatment that has put breast cancer survival rates in the 90th percentile.

I trust Dr. P. We definitely are going to think about it more, but for now, he ordered the chemo without the adriamycin. Thank God that Eric knows how to research this stuff. He's already looking into it. If we decide we want the adriamycin all we have to do is call and he'll add it to the mix.

Dr. P also examined me. He said everything looked good. I was glad, because yesterday I noticed some fluid build up on my right chest area. (I don't think I can say breast..its not there anymore.) It was freaky. I would lightly poke it and it would undulate like a water balloon. It wasn't a lot, but it was gross. He said that was very small, and not to worry about it. He asked about my mobility and seemed to be positive about what I have been doing to rehabilitate myself from surgery. I asked him about the pain meds, and he said it was better to be on pain meds and be able to stretch than to be off of them and immobile. He did not seem to think continued use of them was unreasonable. In fact, he almost seemed to encourage me to use it to avoid pain.

He's also prescribing some medications to go along with the chemo. First is dexamethasone. I'm supposed to take that the day before, the day of, and the day after each chemo treatment. The second is Zofran for nausea. The third is the antibiotic Cipro to take around day 5 of the chemo cycle to help ward off infections when my white blood cell count is low. I'm going to put all of these on a calendar so I can keep track of what to take on each day.

The big question is...when does it all start? My first chemo round will be in 2 weeks, on August 20th. After that, its every 3 weeks until my last dose on December 3rd. I go in and see Dr. P the day before the next dose. I also have to have a blood draw the day before each dose. I'm glad they put my Dr. P appointments the day before, because I can just go over to the lab and have the blood draw at the same time.

I'm glad I will be lucid on August 18th. That's a big day for Olivier. We will go over to the middle school and he'll pick up his schedule and books. He'll also get his school picture done, get his student ID and be able to walk around the campus and find his classrooms. I didn't want to be dopey for that. It is really important, and I was going to drag myself out of bed if need be to go with him. I'm glad I won't have to do that! Middle school is a big step and I want to be present for Olivier as much as possible to help him adjust.

My prayer requests:

• That my body continue to heal. I've got 2 weeks to get in as good of shape as I can for chemo. I also hope to be able to sleep as I begin to scale down the pain meds at night.
• For wisdom as we research and make a decision on the adriamyicn.
• That our family treat each other with an extra dose of grace and patience. Isn't it sad we sometimes treat total strangers better than we do those we say we love? This is a tough journey for each of us individually as well as a family. We need continual refilling of the Holy Spirit upon our home and in our lives. We're very leaky!