Falling asleep...

First of all, thank you all for your prayers for my family's struggle with the flu bug.  They paid off.  Everyone had a solid night of sleep last night.  No one has vomited since yesterday morning (when Jean-Marc did on our walk). The older kids are both back to school today and everything looks good.  I was able to go to the gym today and do a pretty good cardio workout as well.   We are glad to have Eric back home too, and we are praying that he does not fall prey to the nasty bug like we did.

I've noticed something really strange over the past 24 hours when I sleep.  I've been paranoid about sleeping on my left side since my surgery.  At first, it was because I was just too sore to sleep on that side.  When I did sleep on my left side in the past, I would sleep on my left arm, which would be under my pillow. Now I am paranoid about lymph fluid getting trapped and not being able to drain.  Whether or not that is a valid concern, I don't know. But this strange phenomenon has nothing to do with me sleeping on the left side, because I just don't do it anymore.

Instead, I sleep a lot on my back now.  (Pregnancy got me out of the habit of stomach sleeping.) Yesterday during a nap and again last night, my left arm fell asleep while I was sleeping on my back. What is going on with that?  I'm not cutting of the circulation in any way, yet it feels like that.  I'm going to e-mail my physical therapist to see if that is normal or not.  It goes away when I turn to my right side for awhile.   Has anyone else out there had that happen to them?

I've been working a lot on avoiding lymphedema in my left arm.  I've been wearing my compression sleeve during the days, especially when I'm working out.  I've also been doing the manual drainage technique after each shower.  At the therapists office this week, she had me put my arms up to compare them in the mirror.  Think of a "muscleman" pose. Sure enough, my left upper arm had some extra "sag" to it.  I've been doing that each day as well to see if there is any buildup.  I *think* I am keeping it at bay.  But the nighttime tingles are a little worrisome.  Maybe I'll try wearing the compression sleeve at night tonight and see if that makes a difference.

The compression sleeve, as I understand it, will help the area not swell.  It won't make swelling go down. There are exercises you can do for that, as well as the bandaging (which I would like to avoid), and the manual drainage that can help with that.  Vigilance is key.  I need to keep it from getting out of control in the first place.  This is going to have to become a part of my "new normal."

Other than that, life is going on as usual. I'll have my next round of chemo a week from today.  After that, it will be just one more round!  Between now and next Friday, I'm working on healthy eating (lots of greens, cabbage and beans) and exercising. It's my "in training" week.

Round 5, bring it on.

Relatively drug free for a week

I finished my Cipro yesterday.  That means I don't have to take any prescription drugs until next Thursday, the day before chemo round number 4.  Then I'll start the steroid in anticipation of the heavy stuff the next day.  Other than the cytoxan and taxotere that may still be in my system from chemo 12 days ago, I'm drug free!

I've never been one to take medicine much.  Not even for headaches.  I'd usually just drink a glass of water and ignore it.  I'm more than making up for it now.

One thing I've been considering is supplementing Vitamin D.  There have been studies linking low levels of Vitamin D to breast cancer.  Eric even showed me one study that indicated that supplementing Vitamin D may even help the effectiveness of chemotherapy.  In that study, they even mentioned cytoxan as being assisted by it. I e-mailed Dr. P to see if he would order a Vitamin D test to see if I have a deficiency. I was interested overall in hearing his opinion on Vitamin D and breast cancer.  He ordered the test, but didn't say anything other than it would be okay to supplement 1,000-2,000 IU.  Typical Dr. P--he doesn't spare many words.  I think I'll get the blood test this week. I want to see what my levels are before I start supplementing.  

I'm wearing my compression sleeve and gauntlet for the first time today.  It is kind of hard to get on, but once its on it is okay.  The manufacturer suggests you use a rubber cleaning glove on your other hand to help ease it on and I now see why.  Otherwise, you end up pinching the skin on your arm.  The gauntlet is like a fingerless glove.  I have to take it off a lot because of having to wash my hands, cook, etc.  I'll try to wear these garments for about 10 hours a day as my physical therapist suggested.  I want to do all I can to avoid swelling in the first place. It's hard to imagine that this is something that I will have to be mindful of for the rest of my life.  Breast cancer is the gift that keeps on giving.  Sigh.

As an attorney, I am used to citing "authority" for any assertion or statements made.  This morning, I found some confirmation in the ultimate authority...God's Word.  I've been saying all along that God has been strengthening me, sustaining me, and giving me the physical ability to fight this battle against breast cancer.  Check this out:

• For by You, I can run against a troop, by my God, I can leap over a wall.  (Psalm 18:29)
• It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect.  He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze (Psalm 18:32-34)
• For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me. You have also given me the necks of my enemies, so that I have destroyed those who hated me. (Psalm 18:39-40)

There it is!  The Lord is my Rock! Therefore, I will give thanks to the Lord! (v. 49).  Blessed be the name of the Lord, and may you have a blessed day! 

Success!

I mentioned yesterday how I am just living life until chemo next week. Most of that revolves around being a mom.

I decided to jump off the potty training cliff.  I have a few days with not much going on, so I can stick close to home with Jean-Marc.  He's totally aware of when he goes, he even goes and gets a diaper when he needs a change.  It was just going to take some focus and dedication from me to get it done. My overall irritation factor has decreased over the past few days, I feel good physically (which may very well change after chemo next week).  So I decided its now or much later.

We've had 3 accidents so far today, but by far we've had more success today.  The key was just having him go without bottoms and having the little potty nearby so he could run to it when he felt the urge.  He even did it for #2!  Yippee!  We are off to a great start.

I've run into a little bit of frustration with Kaiser on two fronts.  First of all, I am always curious to get my monthly "Summary of Accumulation" statements to see how much we've spent thus far for the year and to see where we are as far as our annual deductible ($3,000 for the kids and I), and our annual out of pocket maximum ($6,000).  Last month, we had met the deductible and were $3,400 and change towards the annual out of pocket maximum.   The statement I got this week said we were only $9.74 towards both.  What??  That made no sense.  I called their 800# and had to leave a message with a girl who wasn't usually answering the phones for that department due to "an unusually high call volume."  Gee, I wonder why.  Perhaps they screwed others up as well.  She asked why I thought it was wrong.  I told her, "I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and have been through a mastectomy and 2 rounds of chemo, so I know I've incurred more than $10.  Besides, it doesn't make much sense compared to last month's statement."  After I said the words "breast cancer" I heard her suck in her breath and go, "Oh I'm so sorry."  BAM!  Cancer bomb dropped. Kaboom!

I didn't get a call back, so I sent them an e-mail last night.  This morning, they replied that they had forwarded my message on to the appropriate places as a "formal complaint."  Okay. Whatever.  I don't want to be a complainer, but whatever.  Just fix it!

The second irritant concerns the blood work I need to get done the day before chemo.  To get a lab appointment, you have to call a number and then wait for them to call you  back.  I left the message on Tuesday and finally got a call back after hours last night (Wednesday).  They had no clue because there was no order for the blood work in the system.  So I had to e-mail my oncologist and ask that he order the blood work so I could get it done.  I got an answer this morning from his nurse that he was out of the office until Monday, but she was able to release the orders.  Okay.  So now I'm again waiting for the call back from the lab.

I got thrown a curve ball this afternoon that upset me for a few minutes.  I hadn't been to the gym or done a real kick butt workout all week.  I've walked and done pilates, but nothing that really made me sweat.  If I don't sweat a lot, I don't feel like I've gotten much of a workout.  I was looking forward to going to the gym and doing some hardcore cardio before picking Isabelle up at school.  Thursdays I don't have to pick up at the middle school, so I have time.  My carpool partner called and was stuck at work and needed me to pick up.  Well, of course I'll have to.  But I'll miss the gym!  Waaah!  I got over it, though.  Partly because Jean-Marc pooped on the potty.  But then I realized that I could do my Jillian DVD after I get home with Isabelle today (which I was planning for tomorrow) and I can do the gym thing tomorrow afternoon.  Just swap the days. I get frustrated when my plans get changed by circumstances out of my control.  You would think I would have been able to roll with the punches considering how the cancer thing has totally thrown me for a loop.

Next Thursday is going to be busy.  Lab appointment (eventually), pharmacy pickup for round #3s Cipro, oncology appointment in the morning.  Then at 1 p.m., I have an appointment at the Women's Health boutique to get my foobies and a compression sleeve for my arm.  My measurements were slightly bigger on the left arm on Monday, so the physical therapist went ahead and gave me the diagnosis of "lymphedema" so the sleeve would be covered.  Otherwise, my surgeon told me yesterday that it would have been out of pocket.  Whew.  I just don't want the swelling to increase, so I've been practicing the manual drainage technique each day that I learned on Monday. Something else to add to the daily routine.  Thank you, breast cancer.

My prayer requests:

• That the potty training go well with Jean-Marc.  That I am able to maintain my patience and sanity over the next several days as we go through the nitty gritty of it. 
• That the administrative issues with Kaiser be resolved without hassle.  It seems like a pretty clear mistake to me.  Let's pray that they admit it and fix it.  
• That I continue to feel good and get stronger in the next week so I'm in shape for round 3 next week. That the chemo drugs already in my system do their job. Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since my hair started falling out.  It was 2 weeks from my first round of chemo.  I wonder if the stubble will come out now that I'm at that point in this round?  

Winds through the stubble

I need to find another word for "weird" and "bizarre." I find myself using those adjectives way too much. But they pretty much are my life right now. They describe a new normal that I keep finding new aspects to.

I went outside (in the backyard) today without anything on my head for the first time. It wasn't for very long. In fact, covering my head completely slipped my mind. I just wanted to get Jean-Marc outside to kick some balls around. He loves doing that, and I needed to kill some time with him. If we were to stay in the house, he would start begging me, "eat, eat." It was a good hour before any reasonable dinnertime for him. So we went outside. (No worries about sun-it is a shady yard in the late afternoon).

I still have some stubble on my head, and to feel the breeze through it was...you guessed it! WEIRD!

I had a physical therapy appointment this afternoon. This was with a different therapist up here at the Kaiser facility in San Marcos. I was very happy to go, especially after the tingling arm scare this weekend. She started out by measuring my hand and arm to compare them with the measurements taken last month. They were a little bit bigger, but not by much. She wasn't really concerned about it. I just need to always keep a constant eye on my arm, wrist, hand and fingers to be on the lookout for any swelling. Especially since I wear my wedding rings on my left hand.

She went on to do some manual lymphatic drainage and described the technique as she did it on me. Its a very light touch. Calling it a "massage" is almost a misnomer. You start at your collarbone doing circular motions down and up. The idea is that you want to move the fluid away from the left armpit and towards the heart. From there, the heart can pass it to the kidneys and you basically urinate the bad stuff out. (Lovely, huh? Hey--your body does it too! It just doesn't need the help!) From the collarbone, you move down in the abdominal area, then to the hip crease/groin. Then diagonally down from the waistline to the groin, the left armpit to waist, then groin. That is the pathway that is most important-you want to show the body where to put that fluid on the left side...away from the armpit to the lymph nodes in the groin. After that, you move to the upper arm, elbow, forearm, wrist then fingers. Deep abdominal breathing helps move the fluid around as well. I'm supposed to do this 1 or 2 times a day.

She also worked on the cording on my left armpit. That was a little uncomfortable because it required her to really stretch the arm out and manipulate it around until the scar tissue would pop a little bit. I just focused on my breath and was fine. She said I had a really good range of motion and that the scar tissue looked really good everywhere. I'm glad to hear that, because it looks like a freak show to me.

I really liked this therapist a lot. She seems more low intervention than the one I saw before. She didn't think I needed a compression sleeve and gauntlet at this point. I told her I wanted to have one on hand in case the need did arise and she was fine putting in an order for two of them at the Women's Health boutique.

I asked her about using light hand weights to do some circuit training. I've been itching to get back to more upper body work. At this point, she said the weight of my own arm is enough of a challenge. (I thought...NOT!) Perhaps after all of my chemo and radiation I could start out with some very light weights. I'm just going to have to settle for getting exercise another way for awhile. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back to the muscle tone in my arms that I had before the surgery. But at least I'm alive! Praise God for that and the strength that He has provided me.

I did some pilates this morning. Ouch. I'm going to be sore. I definitely need to do that more often. The core work is incomparable. This workout did a little bit of cardio which consisted of some ballet moves, which brought me back to my childhood doing demi-plies, grand plies, and eleves. The hardest part was the mat work on the floor for the abs. Oh. My. Gosh. It was killer. I was glad it was only 30 minutes! It was hard, but if I do it more, I'll be so strong in the middle. I think I'm going to go for it. My abs have gotten a bit soft since my surgery. I haven't gained any weight, per se. But considering I had all my breast tissue removed, I should have lost a few pounds through that. So I think I did put on a bit, even though the scale does not reveal it. I also went on a power walk with friends after we dropped the kids off at school. We didn't do the "big" hill, but it was enough to get the blood flowing.

I am definitely due for a long visit at the Women's Health Boutique. I need to get fitted for the compression sleeve, but also for post-mastectomy bras and foobies! (Foobies=prosthetic/fake breasts that slip inside a pocket in the bra.) I've been going without anything for a few weeks now. No bra, no camisole. It would be nice to have a more feminine form though sometimes. So bring on the foobs!

My prayer requests:

• That I do not develop lymphedema. I just don't want to go there. Having to wear really tight compression garments all the time, no way.
• That the chemo drugs are effective against any renegade cancer cells. Someone at church yesterday asked me if there was anything he could pray about for me. He has sat near me on and off for a few years. I don't think he's that involved in the fellowship-he drives down from LA a few times a month to visit his mom. I guess the scarf on the head didn't give it away, because when I said he could pray that the chemo does its job, he was shocked. It's good to know that wearing a scarf on your head for 2 weeks in a row doesn't flash 'CANCER PATIENT' in neon lights to the world.
• That the stubble on my head just fall out. The good news is that the sores on my head have stopped appearing and it isn't irritating as it was last week. Answer to prayer, right there! Thank you, faithful saints!