God is my strength!

I resolved that 2012 would be the year of the half marathon for me. My goal is to finish 3 of them. I've made the first step by registering for three:  the Tinkerbell in Anaheim on January 29th; San Diego half on March 22nd; and the San Diego Rock & Roll half on June 3rd.

It is now only 10 days until my first half marathon. I've been working hard at getting in condition for it. I use an app from Runner's World called "Smart Coach."  It basically tells me each day how far to run, how fast, and whether it should be a steady (easy) run or with some speed intervals.  I've been averaging about 27 miles a week for the past few weeks. Once a week, it has me do a "long run." The long run started out at 7 miles in December. Yesterday, I did 11!

The long runs can be a challenge.  Two weeks ago, I attempted to do 10 for the first time. At about mile 8, I literally ran out of gas. I couldn't even run on a zero incline.  Walking up the hill to my house, I had a few moments of wondering if I would even be able to get home! I've done a lot of thinking about what happened so I can avoid hitting that wall again.  Now when I have a long (or hard) run, I make sure I have a dinner with some carbs the night before. It doesn't have to be a lot, just some.  I also have started to have my "running breakfast" of an egg with 1/4 cup of egg white and a bananna along with my green tea. A friend who has run a few half marathons also suggested I get some "Gu" energy gel. I had tried to use fruit leather as a pick-me-up, but it didn't help me on the day I hit the wall.  I also carry a "fuel belt" with two 8 ounce liquid containers. I put water in one and some electrolyte mix in the other.

Yesterday, I killed my 11 mile run.  The course I run has a lot of hills. You can't get away from them where I live. I figure it is good training. All in all, the elevation increase/decrease is almost 1,000 feet. As I set out, I didn't care about my pace. I just wanted to run the whole thing.  I ran from my house, past Isabelle's school, through the back trails to Discovery Lake. I did 4 laps around the lake, then ran home. I took the Gu at about mile 6.75.   I did it.  Not only that, but it felt GOOD.  I felt like I could do 2 more miles.  It would have been hard, but I could have.  When I got home and checked my average moving pace, it was under 11 minutes per mile.  (Okay, it was 10:59....but that is under 11!)  It took me 2 hours, 3 minutes to do the 11 miles.  I can't believe that this girl who HATED running day and would walk 4 laps to get a C in P.E. at Alvarado Jr. High just ran for 2 hours straight!

As I finished out the run for the last couple miles, I kept repeating, "the Lord is my strength....the Lord is my strength."  I ran across a new verse this week during my bible study: The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's [feet], And He will make me walk on my high hills." (Habakkuk 3:19)  How perfect is that?  Of course, the verse from Isaiah 40 also runs through my mind: "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not grow faint." As I repeated this mantra, I could feel strength increasing in my legs as I ran up hills.  Running is a way for me to put cancer behind me. The more I run, the stronger I am, the further away cancer seems.

The end result from yesterday is that I feel totally ready to run 13.1 miles in 10 days.  The course is going to be much flatter than I'm now used to, so it should be pretty "easy" in comparision.  Yesterday was my last "long run" before the half marathon. I have one more hard run on Saturday-a tempo run where I am supposed to warm up for a mile run hard for 5 at a fast pace and then cool down for a mile. 7 total. I do those on a treadmill so I can keep track of my pace. A 10 minute mile on the treadmill is much more difficult for me than a 10 minute mile outside. The treadmill is relentless!  After that run, its shorter distances of 3 and 5 miles next week.

Wings like eagles

God has been incredibly good to me. Yes, even in the midst of having cancer. Maybe even one day I can be glad that it happened to me.

I have been turning into more of a runner these days. The very thought cracks me up. Me??! The girl who absolutely hated "running day" in Junior High?  I can't help but giggle at myself when I'm doing it. I don't even recognize this person!  I picked up a copy of a running magazine a few weeks ago and read it cover to cover. I even filled out the little annoying subscription card that kept falling out of it and sent it in. I'm learning the lingo, too.

I've even verbally committed to my first half marathon!  A friend of mine suggested it. She has a few of these races under her belt. This one is the "Tinkerbell" and it is run in and around Disneyland. Its a women only race next January.  I looked at the information on the website and they say you have to maintain a 16 minute mile or risk being picked up. Heck, I could walk faster than that. By January, I will have 60 miles in 3 days under my belt.

But I might even be able to run the 13 miles!  Its hard for me to do street running because of Jean-Marc. I don't have a jogger stroller, and I've run a little with our cheap rickety umbrella stroller and it is not very stable. It's easier to go to the gym and run on the treadmill.  But that masks how far you are really going. Yesterday morning, I took to the streets with a cool app on my iPhone, Log Your Run.  This app has a GPS thingie in it that can track where you are, how far you are going, your mileage, pace, etc.  I had a couple of hours to myself because the kids spent the night at my mom's house. I ended up doing 7.5 miles!  I do confess that I had to walk part of it on some very steep hills in La Costa.  If it had been all flat or less intense hills, it would have been no problem to run the distance.

I don't really know how to train to run, but had read somewhere about how to mix up your runs so you don't get bored and so that you get more out of your exercise time. So I ran 2 miles on the treadmill with a variable hill program. Then I did Jillian Michael's leg circuit which takes about 20-25 minutes. It's constant squats and lunges. Then I ran 2 more miles at no incline. The last mile I did at a pretty fast pace. Running after the leg exercises is supposed to simulate the fatigue in your legs after a longer run.

I was marveling at this last week while running on the treadmill at the gym. I kept thinking about the scripture in Isaiah and personalizing it as if it were written just to me.  She who waits on the Lord shall renew her strength. She will be lifted up on wings like eagles. She will run and not grow weary.  She will walk and not grow faint. (Is. 40:13)  I can't help but rejoice and praise the Lord as I am running and feeling like I am flying like an eagle. I am not even 3 months out of cancer treatment and am feeling so....well.  I am even thinking of my cancer in the past tense, even though I have the constant reminders that it was a part of my life.  Things like my scars and the lymphedema. But as for the rest of it, I'm running like a healthy person.  Because I AM a healthy person. God has strengthened me and sustained me through this trial.  He even prepared me for it ahead of time.  It would have been SO much harder if I had been out of shape and not already into a habit of exercise when I was diagnosed. But He knew this was coming, and I believe He planted the desire in my heart to lose weight and get fit. There was a battle ahead.  Any and all success in my health both before, during and after cancer treatment I credit 100% to the Lord.

There will be more battles ahead in this life. More trials. More difficulties. That is an absolute. But God will be there with me giving me whatever strength and aid that is required for me to fight it. Words fail to describe how full that makes my heart. I am thrilled to be called His!

Here is a Word for us all:

⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7-8, New King James Version)  

Hallelujah!

Quick update, Day 2, Round 2

Thing are okay today. I don't have a lot of time, but wanted to give everyone an update of what was going on with me today.

I slept GREAT last night, even with having to get up 3 times to go to the bathroom. 100 ounces of water had its vengeance! But I was able to get back to sleep each time. I even got to "sleep in" until 6:30 a.m.!

I want to get some physical activity each day, but thought that something too cardio pumping today might be too much. So I did an hour of yoga and it felt great. It really stretched my shoulders and chest. It also showed me I should do more yoga-I wasn't able to get into the poses as deeply as I have in the past. I did manage to get into a backbend, though!

The family all pitched in a bit this morning to get the house a little cleaner. The kids each did a bathroom, I did the master bathroom, and Eric vacuumed and cleaned the living room (where the piano is) and the dining room. I meant to get the tile floors done, but it didn't happen.

I took Isabelle to her riding lesson today and watched. She got to ride a different animal today-Ziggy, a full sized horse, rather than the pony Kowie that she has ridden recently. She had to learn a whole new set of tricks to keep Ziggy in line. But she was happy for the change.

When I got home, I was pretty tired. We had a lunch of leftovers and I heated up a can of organic black bean soup for myself. There were a couple of grocery things we needed, so I took a quick trip to the Target up the street and picked the stuff up. When I got home, I retired to my bedroom for a couple hours of rest. Eric and Olivier went to the range, the baby was napping, and Isabelle was playing her Nintendo.

Jean-Marc and I took Lucie for a walk after his nap. At first, it was just going to be going to the mailbox. But the day was nice, I had a hat to protect frm the sun, and the yoga didn't really get my heart rate up that much. So on the spur of the moment, I decided to do a longer walk with them. The walk I call "the Acacia loop" after the main street that it goes down. We also get to walk a stretch along a busy street, San Marcos Boulevard. Jean-Marc loves seeing the cars, trucks and even airplanes along the way. It took us about 40 minutes. Not bad for day 2, I thought.

I feel pretty good. I made a yummy black eyed pea recipe for myself to have tomorrow. Tonight I'm taking it easy on the cooking and making up a Dream Dinner, but adding extra broccoli. My taste buds havent' yet made a change much-a little metallic taste, but its not too bad. I have one more dose of the steroid to take tonight and tomorrow will be off of them. That may make my energy level go down. Time will tell. My prayer for myself is from Isaiah: "Lord, I want to abide in You. Lift me up on wings like eagles. Help me walk and not grow weary. Help me run and not grow faint."

The battle

I was hoping to get a full night of sleep last night, but alas, it was not to be. I woke up at 11:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom and was awake until 2:30 when I made another trip. It was probably around 3 a.m. when I got back to sleep and was awake by 6 a.m.

I had a lot of time to think in the wee hours, and God definitely spoke to me during that time.

I realized how much my body, my flesh, is trying to work against me. First of all, by the cancer itself. But as I fight it, the flesh resists. I have sleep issues. Yesterday at the gym, my heart rate was above normal. My flesh is anxious.

But my mind, my spirit, is not. I truly am calm and have peace about this whole journey. It isn't easy. But I'm not freaking out. Sometimes the flesh gets the upper hand, I'll admit. But for the most part, I'm okay. In fact, sometimes the reactions I get from others are much more severe than my own.

A recent example. I've been a girl scout co-leader for Isabelle's girl scout troop since they were Daisies in kindergarden. This year is their first year of Juniors. We have a few new girls joining our troop. On Wednesday, we met to fill out some paperwork for an upcoming camp out. The leader mentioned that she would be trying to work the schedule out around my schedule, which brought a few looks. One mom there didn't know, so it came out. No big deal. I'm not secretive about it. Everyone was supportive, but at the same time the one mom who just learned was freaked out. I guess she is scared of cancer in general. But she marveled at how upbeat I was. I am kicking myself now for not saying something like, "It is by God's grace that I am even here right now. He is getting me through this." I mean, that is what I want to reflect on this whole journey. God's goodness, His faithfulness, His sustaining hand. I want to bring HIM glory. Instead, I said, "Well, its something I've got to do either way. I might as well do it with a smile on my face."

I've also had others look at me with sadness and pity. Like I have a foot in the grave. Even some people at church. I certainly don't share those emotions.

Some might refer to this as the "mind-body" connection. In a way it, is. But it goes much deeper than that. But my flesh wants to drag me down and freak me out. This is most definitely as much of a spiritual battle as it is a fleshly one.

This is how I see it in my life. The spirit and flesh are at war. It is a microcosm of the war between God and Satan, good and evil. I am a born again Christian, so I am blessed to have the indwelling of Christ in me. (To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27) Satan sees that and attacks it. He uses my own flesh sometimes to do it. Right now, it is sleeplessness. It was the same right before my surgery as well.

But God is so good to me. Because despite the fact I am getting less sleep, I am not tired during the day. I'm able to function. He is lifting me up on wings like eagles. I am running (figuratively) and not growing weary, walking and not growing faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

God is stronger than the enemy. I know that He who is within me (Christ) is stronger than he who is attacking me. (I can't find the scripture reference quickly, but I know it is biblical.) Ultimately, I will win because Christ is my defender. But the enemy does not give up quickly. He is persistent.

I'm off to my first round of chemotherapy this morning. I pray that I am able to continue to resist the enemy (so he will flee). I pray that God refills my Holy Spirit tank each day as I feel the effects of this new phase of treatment. In any event, no matter how severe it may get, I know that I am not on my own. That God is with me, within me and will uphold me with His mighty hand. If I look like I am handling this well, it is not out of my own strength, but His. All glory to God!