I got a call yesterday (Saturday) from the radiation oncologists office. The machine was fixed, and the doctor wanted to have me come in today (Sunday) for a treatment. I was glad to oblige, and was able to squeeze it in before church. I just left the 3 kids in the car with the DVD running with a Charlie Brown DVD in it. I'm glad we were able to make up for last Friday...so it looks like I'm back on track for the February 17th finish.
Speaking of make up, I've been trying some organic make up. I'm trying a brand called Coastal Classic Creations. It's billed as being "ultra pure." I'm still getting used to it. I've been trying some eyeshadow that doubles as an eye liner if you wet the tip of the brush and some mascara. My first impression is that I like how it looks when it goes on, but it doesn't last like the toxic stuff does. I tend to find dark shadows under my eyes a few hours later. If I'm not wearing anything on my head, I look like a sick person! I'm still going to stick with this brand--their products are safely rated according to the Environmental Working Group's safe cosmetics database.
I like to wear makeup on Sunday mornings to church, so I wore the thew organic stuff this morning. I learned something else about it....it definitely is not waterproof! A dear sister that I have gotten to know at the women's bible study over the past few years has been diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her hysterectomy is coming up this week. I was glad to see her this morning and spent some time with her before the service. She is right at the beginning of the cancer journey and I can so identify with what she is going through. She had questions about chemotherapy and wigs. She has so much to go through. I've been there, and I know. Even though our cancers are different, there is a lot that is similar. We not only are sisters in Christ, but now we are cancer warriors together.
It broke my heart during the worship time. I glanced over at her and saw she was crying. Just like I did for several Sundays after my diagnosis. I couldn't both sing and keep it together. I could either listen to the words and maintain my composure, or sing like I wanted to, my voice croaking and crying. I love worship time and love to sing. So I would try, but then the tears would come and roll down my face. Seeing my friend struggling sent me right back there to where I was last June and July. I cried and cried during worship and washed my make up away completely.
The words to the songs we were singing talked about Jesus being the one who saves us from death. That is true, and I believe it with every fiber of my being. But the concept of "death" is bigger than just this body dying. The soul and spirit are eternal. That is the part that Jesus has rescued His people from-we won't be eternally separated from God. This present body I have will die, and that is the hard part. It is all we know and we struggle to keep it going. The apostle Paul likens these bodies to tents. There is something much better to come. "For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." 2 Corinthians 5:1.
I've been pondering the concept of "death" lately. Partially because of my own fear of recurrence. Partially because a fellow cancer blogger, Daria, passed away last week from breast cancer a few days shy of her 50th birthday. Maybe its because there has just seemed to have been such a storm of people being diagnosed with cancer. The specter of death seems to be all around. I just don't want to "go" there mentally, but I can't avoid thinking about it. It may not be cancer. Maybe it will be old age, or a car accident, or something else. Everybody's body is going to die. I've just got a preview that my way to go may be cancer. I hope not. But God only knows. But I do have comfort and assurance that when that time does come, I won't cease to exist. I will have just changed addresses. I'll be with the Lord in glory with all of the others who have accepted Jesus as their Savior.
But it still is hard. I just have to trust God each day and put my faith in Him.
Please pray for my friend who is having surgery this week.
About this blog
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on June 11, 2010. As a result of my treatment, I have lymphedema in my left arm. I draw my strength from the Lord, as well as my family's Scots-Irish heritage. Our Graham's were a tough and scrappy bunch of fighters on the Scottish/English border. They came to America and continued to fight when necessary: in the American Revolution; the Civil War; and my brother is a Captain in the U.S. Army. My ancestors settled this country against all odds. My great-grandmothers on both sides of the family were pioneer women who settled the West. Along with that heritage, and the full armor of God, I am walking the walk and fighting the good fight.