The thief

I've been getting a lot of congratulatory wishes now that I am finished with my treatment. It is surreal to think that I am "done."  But I have this little nagging voice in my head saying...maybe you're not really done. Maybe the cancer isn't all gone. Maybe it is going to come back and will eventually kill you. Sure, you may have a few years left. But they will be filled with more chemo while you waste away and die a painful death.  You'll have to say goodbye to your friends, your family, your babies.

I had the same little voice when I was waiting for my biopsy results last June. Out loud we were saying, "its probably nothing." But this little voice in my head told me it was something. I have the same little voice in my head placing doubt and worry about my future.

It's robbing me of the relief and joy I should be having.

I still am happy. But it is sort of with a caveat.

I realize that this is an area Satan can come in and exploit. The bible says that he comes to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus came to give LIFE, and that more abundantly.

 ¹⁰The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (John 10:10, King James Version)

I also know that God is bigger than Satan and stronger than him.

 ⁴Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4, King James Version)

I trust God. Even in cancer, I trust God. Even if it isn't all gone, or comes back, I will trust God. I pray that I handle it all, good or bad, in a way that glorifies Him. I know that He will work it ALL out for my own good, and the good of everyone else. I don't know what God has planned out for me, but I am willing to go and do whatever it is that He has in store for me. Cancer free, or not.

In the meantime, I need to remember that these fears are firey darts of the enemy.  I need to appropriate these promises from God and rest in them. Satan is taking pleasure in robbing me of the joy that I should be experiencing in a fuller way. That's the talk. Now I have to walk it.  Please pray for me that I be able to do this.