Last night as I was getting him ready for bed, he started the Game. It's especially nice when he's fresh from a bath and getting all cozy and ready for bed. When he said that he would "never, ever" stop loving me, I made some comment like, "Wow...even when I'm an old lady?" That stopped him in his tracks. His little lips started to quiver and he was visibly worried. After a pause, his little voice asked, "But....but who will be my mom when you die?" He was on the verge of tears, and this sudden turn of the Game almost had me there on a dime as well.
"Who will be my mom when you die?"
Who said anything about dying?? Oh man. I assured him that I wasn't going to be dying anytime soon and that even when I was old and he was a grownup, that I would still be his mom. That satisfied him enough that we were able to settle in for a good telling of "Hop on Pop" before final goodnight cuddles and bed.
But I can't help but think over the question. While I am not facing the death sentence that a recurrence would mean, it is always in the back of my mind. It's a constant threat that I live with. Having my innocent little four year old ask me the question that I hope he never has to really ask kind of freaked me out.
And while I'm okay, there are so many other women who do die and leave small children. My heart just breaks thinking about those little children who are left wondering who will be their mom now.
I pray that mine never have to.
I too am a survivor although I have no young children, now. I still worry and it is always in the back of my mind...that dreaded recurrence....for which there will be no 'cure'. I hope and pray that your child will never have to ask that question, 'for real'. You're doing so many things that are 'known' to help prevent a recurrence and that is all any of us can do. GOD bless!
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Just saw this now, Tonya. What a heart wrenching moment. That's the thing, isn't it? For all the good stories of survivorship, that's always in the background. In reality, it's there for everyone else, too. They just don't know it like we do. Thanks for sharing this moment.
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