Just a quick note to pass along my thanks for all of the wonderful notes of encouragement and support over the past few months. Comments to my blog, comments on facebook, cards, and letters...they all have been so uplifting and special. It helps so much, you don't even know.
I'm starting to feel the effects of the chemo today. My taste buds are starting to go metallic. My eyes are watering. But what is the most difficult to handle is what it does to me mentally. I have no patience and don't want to deal with things. Unfortunately, being a wife and mom with 3 kids, I can't completely check out. Eric kind of got upset at me this afternoon when he tried to give me a hug. I know he was trying to be supportive and comforting. But I just need my own space. When I ended the hug quickly, he got kind of upset and went into a little mini-rant on his own about how I was spurning him. Or something to that effect. I was trying to get the lunch dishes cleaned up, help Olivier get started with a project for school that he is having trouble with all so I could then go upstairs and rest for a couple of hours. I just stated loudly enough for everyone to hear, "We don't have the luxury of having more than one person pissy and hormonal. It's MY turn right now!" That pretty much ended that. Everyone is okay now.
I did rest awhile today. I finished my Vince Flynn book, "Memorial Day." I finished today's installment of Angry Birds Seasons with 3 stars. Then I found an album I recently bought on iTunes by a group called "Watershed Worship." It's an a Capella group. The title of the album is "I Know You Love Me." The words were exactly what I needed to hear. It really brought me right to a place of quiet before the Lord. I prayed that He would get me through these next couple of days. That he would renew my strength, that He would fill me with his Holy Spirit so I could demonstrate more of His love and patience, the fruits of the spirit. That he would bless my family and increase their faith as well as my own. I know the kids are upset, even if they don't express it to me. Apparently, Isabelle had a slight melt down while at my parents' house last week. There are feelings right under the surface that can bubble up without warning. She keeps a lid on it around me, but sometimes she lets others in. I'm glad that she has others that she can talk to. I know that my parents and Eric are worried about recurrence just as much as I am. Those words from Dr. P last week were honest, but tough to hear. We all now are faced with putting the walk in our walk, after having just talked the talk. It is REAL faith, not lip service, and its hard. So the music today that reminded me of His love and what He has done for me was just what I needed to hear.
We continue to get ready for Christmas. Olivier, Jean-Marc and I went to Michael's this morning and got more Christmas stuff. When Jean-Marc wakes up from his nap, we are all going to pile in the van and go down to the Christmas tree lot and get our tree. I'm looking forward to the smell of Christmas tree in the house, even if I don't get the energy up to decorate for a few more days!
Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. You are my co-warriors!
About this blog
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on June 11, 2010. As a result of my treatment, I have lymphedema in my left arm. I draw my strength from the Lord, as well as my family's Scots-Irish heritage. Our Graham's were a tough and scrappy bunch of fighters on the Scottish/English border. They came to America and continued to fight when necessary: in the American Revolution; the Civil War; and my brother is a Captain in the U.S. Army. My ancestors settled this country against all odds. My great-grandmothers on both sides of the family were pioneer women who settled the West. Along with that heritage, and the full armor of God, I am walking the walk and fighting the good fight.