My six month date

It was very strange going back to the oncologist's office after a six month reprieve.  But once I was there, the old habits took over. I know exactly where to sit, (the waiting room shares space with cardiac and other internal medicine specialities).  I know to make a pit stop right after I get called in to get my vitals taken.  The vanity in me knows to wear flip flop shoes so I can shed those extra ounces before stepping on the scale.  Yes, I need an examination gown. I know where I'm going before being led there. Everything is still very much as it was when I left it.  Even the folders on the wall that say "hospice referrals." Yikes.

Dr. P didn't keep us waiting very long this time. I hopped right up on the table as he pulled up my chart. He asked how I'm doing and Eric referenced me doing "lots of miles."  That launched us into a conversation about running. I told him about the races I've done recently, and that I was training for the San Diego Rock & Roll Half Marathon in June. As it turns out, Dr. P runs a bit too, but he does triatholons. Cool!  I would love to get into that, but I would need a bike!  (Santa??)

He asked if there was anything he needed to know about. Nothing bad to report, I said. I used to talk about my paranoia about recurrence, but all he offered before was a referral to a support group or therapy. I think running is my therapy now.  So I didn't mention that this appointment had me a bit anxious for the past two weeks.  He did an examination: feeling the lymph node area around my collarbones; listening to my heart and lungs; examining what is now my chest for anything unusual. As usual, he asked if I was going to do reconstruction. Nah.  Being a runner now, it actually is convenient not to have breasts. Besides, I'm not interested in harvesting other muscles to make a couple of boobs. Just my personal choice.

The subject of my Vitamin D levels was brought up.  Actually, Dr. P was the one to bring it up, although I would have if he hadn't beaten me to the punch. He was looking at my results from 6 months ago when they were around 42.  He said that was really good. Is it? Says who?  He said its an inexact science. I told him I would like my D levels tested again. He asked me how much Vitamin D I was supplementing. I looked at him with a twinkle and told him the truth...6,000 IUs a day. His eyebrows rose as he said that was quite a lot. In fact, he recommends that I cut it back to 2,000.  I thought to myself that 6,000 was actually conservative considering I had been taking 10,000 before! Really, my levels were shockingly low a year and a half ago. The low end of "normal" was 30. I was at 14. He didn't think a re-test was necessary. I gently insisted and he said he would order it.

We also talked about switching me over from Tamoxifen to the post-menopausal drug. He said that younger women with breast cancer still may have some activity going on in the ovaries, even in the absence of having periods. Since I was having blood drawn for the Vitamin D, he ordered an estrogen level test as well.  I asked him if it would be worth considering having my ovaries taken out. He said there is a clinical trial going on right now to determine if that is of benefit to women taking Tamoxifen, so he couldn't answer definitively. I've known him long enough to know he has opinions. So I asked what his was. He thought that it probably did help outcomes. Well, we'll see what my hormone levels are and talk about it at that point.

All in all, everything looked as normal as one could look given everything my body has been through. It's as clean of a bill of health as I can get.  I still wonder if I would have more peace of mind with an MRI or a PET scan. Maybe.  Maybe not. I don't know. Does it matter? If it comes back, as he said before, it won't be curable. Talk about having to just trust God with everything!

Even though he's a man of few carefully chosen words, Dr. P is a nice guy. On my after visit summary he wrote, "Good luck with your running."  Nice, huh?   But even thought he's nice, I hope I don't see him until October!

Preparing to slay the enemy

2 days before my 5th round of chemo.

I started the week out with a new mix of anticipation and anxiety.  It is getting old, but its what I have to do.  I was kind of looking forward to other rounds in a bizarre kind of way.  With the bruising on my arm last time, it kind of made me feel like my veins were starting to protest the repeated incursions and I was not looking forward to having them punctured yet again.

With two days to go, I'm anxious to just get it over with.  At least then, I can look forward to my LAST round of chemo.  Maybe its time to start reading up on radiation therapy...

And what about the vein issue? We'll see what the nurse things about using the forearm.  It is more comfortable while I'm in the chemo suite to have the IV placed there.  I had it in the back of my hand on my second round and every time I flexed my wrist, it kind of hurt. But maybe I need to have it there to give the vein in my forearm a break.  Either way, I plan on drinking water like a camel tomorrow so my veins pop, regardless of where they are.

The kids are going to be home for the next several days. Tomorrow is Veteran's Day and Friday the schools aren't in session...a "furlough" day because the state of California is broke and is going to save money by not providing school for kids.  Eric is going to take the next couple of days off so between him and the older two kids, we should be able to get through my medical stuff that is coming up.  Olivier has his first boy scout backpacking trip this weekend, and I've been spending the past week getting him outfitted for that. We bought a backpack for him and today I got him a mummy bag that is smaller so it can fit inside his new pack. Thank God for boy scouts!  It has been so good for him, and provided him with a set of slightly older boys that he can learn from and look up to.  It's been one of those constants for him during this cancer thing and I'm glad that he has it.

I've been reading like a maniac on my new Amazon Kindle.  I'm on my third Vince Flynn novel and also read Joel Rosenberg's latest on it.  It's a great little device.  I'm looking forward to bringing it to chemo on Friday and spending the time reading.

As you would expect, I've been working out a lot this week, "training" for combat on Friday.  I'll go to the gym tomorrow for my last workout before Round 5 and run.  It occurred to me after last round, the reason that my heart rate is slightly elevated the day before chemo may not be anxiety after all.  I do start taking the steroid the day before chemo, and that may explain it.  (Duh!) It may sound a little twisted, but I kind of like what it did to me last time.  I was able to run and run and run like there was no stopping me.  It made me think of the verses that describe God making one's feet swift like the deer.  I'm looking forward to testing the theory out tomorrow.

I also go into see Dr. P tomorrow and see where my blood counts are.  I'm sure they are okay, at least good enough for chemo.  Even though I got the flu last week, I feel fully recovered from it.  My nose has been a little drippy, but I think that isn't a virus or illness, but just a byproduct of not having the little cilia hairs in my nose.  It's kind of a pain.  But the upside is, I don't have hair on my legs anymore, either.  They are silky smooth!  Hey--you've got to look on the bright side of things and look for those silver linings.

My prayer requests:

• That my blood counts be in a place that allows chemo to go forward on Friday.  
• That Round 5 go smoothly and that the side effects are minimal.  That the cytoxan and taxotere do their work and SLAY CANCER CELLS!!
• That with the kids off of school for so many days that we have harmony in the house.  One thing that this treatment has done to me is make me kind of irritated.  I think its a hormonal thing. I just would like peace in the house and not bickering kids. Love, love, love!! May we all have the patience of our Lord and His holy spirit flowing in and through us toward each other.