What ifs

I've been training for my first half marathon of 2013, which is coming up this Sunday in Carlsbad. I use a training app from Runner's World called "Smart coach" which tells me which days to run, how far, and how fast.

Getting back into running after training and doing the 3 Day last November hasn't been easy. I felt like I lost my "base" of running fitness. The first few weeks were brutal, but I stuck it out. After a month (late December), I started to feel pretty good again. I was no where near as fast as I was last Spring, but at least a run didn't feel like torture!  For the past month, I've been doing about 30 miles per week, with my longest run being 11+ miles. By all measures, I am ready for 13.1 miles on Sunday. I know I won't set a personal record (PR), but I should be able to at least be competitive with my times from last year. If I could maintain a 10 minute mile, I would be thrilled, but I think 10:30 is more realistic.

But this week I feel like lead!  The training app had me run 4 miles Tuesday and Wednesday, then a tempo run of 5 miles today. Tuesday's run was great. While I wasn't really trying to run fast, I did. (Which made up for a bad run on Sunday that I have legitimate excuses for: it was hotter than normal; I had eaten lunch just an hour before; and it was a hilly route). But yesterday's run was tough. Then today at the gym, I barely hung on for the 3 miles at a tempo pace.  When I finished, I was beet red and annoyed at myself. What the heck?  The trainer is telling me to run an easy 4 tomorrow and rest on Saturday. I think I'm going to rest tomorrow instead, although it will be hard not to run because I have a new Garmin to try out.

I've been getting plenty of sleep and eating very well this week. Actually, better than most weeks. I've been drinking more water. I would have expected to be feeling on top of the world instead of dragging myself through workouts. I should be wanting to run MORE because I feel so strong, not less. What's up with that?  I was hoping to end this race training feeling like I could kick some serious bootie.

The point of this post isn't the nitty gritty of my training, though.

It's the mental skirmish that has started because of it.  You see, I just can't have a bad day or two.  My mind instantly goes to....am I having bad workouts because I'm sick? Could I be fighting one of the myriad of viruses that is going around right now?  Olivier did comment about feeling a little "off" this morning. Or even worse....has cancer has come back?  Is my body using its energy to fight evil mutating cells??  I have enough energy to get through my day otherwise.  But what if....what if....what if....

I hate the what ifs.